I feel so much better. I spent all day car shopping didn't find anything but I am not feeling like a sour puss.
My mind is saying I need to be doing something and my body is telling me that I'm tired. No matter what my body and mind is telling me I'm going to listen to Master because He gave me specific instructions on what to do tonight.
I was thinking positive today and whenever some negativity tried to come into my mind I ninja assassined that shit to non-existence.
Feeling good

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Errr...

Well that didn't help much walked out of yoga class still thinking I can't. I feel a need some sense slapped into me. Like really slapped hard as shit. Bitch quit the pity party

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*hangs head in shame*

*sigh* my self esteem, self confidence, self perception, sex appeal is so low. I think that in order to be a sub/slave one should not have these insecurities. So now I am questioning if I deserve to be submissive. I must be a real drag around other people. When folks give me a compliment I analyze their words sp much that either I think they are lying or they are talking out the side of they neck. This week has been crazy but nothing has been helping but the gym thank goodness its yoga today. Will help me clear my mind.
I feel a big knot in my stomach right now. Absolute worst. I just hope he doesn't get tired of this.

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Beauty is in the eyes of the beholder

I keep telling myself that I am beautiful; that is what He tells me. So why the fuck do I keep comparing myself to other chicks. Caring what other people think. It shouldn't even matter.
Some days I feel beautiful some days I don't. Some days I feel sexy some days I don't. I should feel this way all the time. My heart is kind and sincere, matter of fact I'm too damn nice but that is just me. Point is I'm not thinking of the inside right now. Ugh this week is really messing me up. I know that I need to just meditate and keep my mind clear of these poisonous thoughts. The gym will make feel better. Thirty more minutes to clock out time then I will forget these silly thoughts...Until tomorrow.

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I need Him so much right now :-(

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Physically Tired

I am just drained so tired from work. Eventhough I didn't have to go to work today I am preparing myself for a long night to get my work done and meet this deadline tomorrow. I can't wait for the weekend. That's when I can relax and have some fun before I have to do it all over again. I hope I can stay awake to get this project done. *sips on coconut water*

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Where is cumslut?? (in walks painslut)

So for the past couple of weeks my mind has been redirected to different types of pain that I want to feel. Caning being one of them. I found a fetish store n Baltimore solely dedicated to BDsM toys and supplies. My eyes opened and my mouth dropped when I first walked in. I just walked back and forth admiring all the whips, paddles, floggers, canes, and crops. I wanted to glide my hand along the wall but didn't do so cause I felt I needed permission to touch the tools of pain and pleasure eventhough they had no owner. I did however touch one of the canes and slid my fingers down the length and was turned on by the smoothness. I wanted to buy the cane and present it to Master to beat me with but I pulled back not knowing if I'm ready for it. Master will know when His slave is ready. I moved past the masks and collars and again my mouth dropped. The speculum. W/we talked about this instrument may be getting one soon
:) I didn't find the paddle that I was originally looking for but the store made up for it. It feels like my body is in constant want of pain and wants to push past my limits and then push past those.
Hmmm painslut. Damn I'm gonna need another pair of (alter ego) glasses :p

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