From Podcast

I listened to this statement several times.  so many people don't understand.  They just don't get it.

"bDsm isn’t violence and it isn’t  abuse.  Its consensual intimate play that’s a living breathing flesh and blood fantasy. It’s a framework and philosophy within which you can safely experience your most primal fantasies. Your most visceral desires and help your playmate experience theirs.  All the while developing a trust and unity that just isn’t possible with vanilla sex.  Submission is a celebration of free will with and search for emotional and sexual release by freely giving up control to someone you trust."

J.V. Altharas

Growth

Grooming myself as a submissive. Listening to bDsm topics via podcasts

I feel like I wasted His time and His gas. Now because I did not listen to His instructions, I know that I did not give Him what He wanted. I feel like such a waste.
Everything was perfect. My ass was clean. Food was ready. I just don't know what my problem was.
I don't think I should ask for anything and I will just wait for His command. No sex, no masturbation, nothing. Unless I am told otherwise.

I am so upset with myself right now

Beauty

He gently strummed my soul, creating the melody, while the song flowed from my lips. When the three tears fell from my left eye and slowly danced down my cheek, I knew it was the grand finale.

The way His hands were gentle and delicate. Complete opposite of feeling His strength and roughness. I felt His passion. With each touch, I wanted to melt into Him.
Kisses. His kisses make me feel like the sweetest milk chocolate that He can't get enough of.
Held. Strong embrace. Caress. I did not want to let go.

Not just owned. I felt like I was His. Confirmation was not needed because I already knew it. Confirmation received and appreciated. I felt like the Queen, His Queen because I am.

Served. Not used. His Dominance is still apparent. My complete submission. That doesn't change.

The words we exchanged (our talk) prior made me discard all leftover tools that I used to build my wall back up. Gone. Open. No longer feeling exposed and vulnerable.

He gently strummed my soul, creating the melody, while the song flowed from my lips. When the three tears fell from my left eye and slowly danced down my cheek, I knew it was the grand finale.

07/08/2012 3:45 AM

I have insomnia, my head hurts, and other things hurt but I've moved past them. I just need some warm ginger ale to soothe whatever this is I feel in my stomach.

Bratty sub

I am deprived. I'm having a fit just like a spoiled brat. I have a feeling this weekend will go by real slow for me. Make me suffer extremely. Acting like this is the worst day ever but it really isn't. I'm just in brat mode. I like to get what I want, when I want, and somewhat on my terms. I know I can't control or force it. So I'll let it go. Actually writing made me feel better. Woosa! :)