Last night was unusual. I can recall feeling like that once before with my ex.... I just didn't want to be touched by Him. I really wanted my mood to change and to enjoy the time with Him but my thoughts made me unaroused. It irritated me further.  My heart had me turned on but my brain turned me off.

This morning I was able to think clearly and enjoy Him.

I don't know...

Today I was thinking that I may need space or time to myself for awhile.  But I haven't fully thought out what that would resolve. To be honest I'm already by myself and I don't see how that would change anything.  The other option is mental and emotional break. I really believe that once that is severed there is no going back from that. I just know right now. I don't like the way I'm feeling. I'm not happy with the output from my behavior. My actions.

I don't know if its doubt. Maybe fear. Or possibly trust. Could be all three or none. I just know that I really care and love Him. Yet still, something is "off". Some variable has changed or have I changed. 

Keep thinking about who could I talk but damn there really isn't anyone I feel comfortable to talk to. Uhh. Maybe I'll wake up tomorrow in a better, happy, mood and would have forgotten about the past week or so. Just start fresh.