UGGGGGGH!

I am placed with so many obstacles that I have to overcome them.  When you really want something you make it happen but this time I haven't figured out a way yet.  I think when I get off of work I'm just going to crawl in my bed and go to sleep.  I'm feeling lower than low right nowand I am feeling the tears coming.  I don't like to cry in front of other people especially at work. I have to put on my straight face.  Everytime I don't get what I want I get bitchy and it's not PMS.  Eventhough my cycle has been going on for over a week.  UGH! I swear I hope my Dom does not think that I am unable to commit to him because of my obstacles.  Damn there goes the tears.  This is my life.
All I keep hearing in my head, you're a blessing and a curse.  That's what my Dom used to say to me. Right now I feel cursed when I should be blessed for everything that I have.  *sniffs*  My body temperature is finally coming down.  I was so mad I had to cut on the fan.  I really think one day I may spontaneously combust.  I need to learn how to stay calm.  But I still feel worthless *wipes eyes* Sometimes I just want to run away but I am not a quitter nor do I abandon those who NEED me.  But damn what about what I need.  Maybe I'm just acting like a 28 year old brat.  Is that possible?
I'm trying to focus on my meditation right now but when I close my eyes I just feel my heart thumping in my chest, it hurts.  These tears are making me upset even more, weakness. worthless.
Now I'm rambling.