3 weeks

UGH!!!!! I MISS HIM SO FREAKING MUCH

Overwhelmed 12/22/2010 (I thought I been posted this)

I have been holding this in all week.  I have been feeling so overwhelmed with everything.  I don't know if I lost track or if I don't know how to manage my time.  Hmm I already know that I don't know how to manage my time so of course my life seems chaotic right now.  It seems like I have neglected forgotten a lot of things and people.  Simple things that I should remember to do gets done late or doesn't at all.  Tell you one thing, I don't forget to do a task or something that Master tells me to do.  Although I have been slipping as He said in certain areas.  Like not having enough time to eat.  Of course I don't cause I'm trying to catch up with the rest of my life.  I feel like such a bad mom, friend, daughter, employee, etc.  I always feel like I could be a better slave.  I wear so many hats.  It feels like everything is colliding and overlapping each other. I just have to work it out.

I got out of bed but...

Well I made it out of bed today and ate some food. Watched a little tv. Began my daily training. Master says He will want to see me soon. When the time comes I hope I don't encounter any obstacles that I have no control over. If I do I'm gonna karate chop someone to the throat. That wasn't a joke.
My mind says its time to clean this house but my body just sitting here. My body wants to get back in the bed and pull the covers up. No really my body wants to be where He is. Wanting him to keep me close, walking through the streets of NY as if I was on a short leash. Serving Him at all times.
I don't know how long I've been sitting here but this is the third cartoon now so I guess bout 1 1/2 hours. Time to clean up and stop staring off into space.
I wonder how long it will take me to clean this one room.

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Hoping for a Good Saturday

Laying here looking at the ceiling. So much has happened this week. A lot has happened today. Now. I'm just laying here thinking bout Him. It is 1:16 am and I'm laying here feeling like I shud be fulfilling His needs whatever they may be. I remember last time I got like this I couldn't get out of bed for two days. Last time I was being too hard on myself for not being able to be His slutty bitch that is always there when He awakes. To prepare His egg whites,oatmeal, and grapefruit every morning. To be on my knees when He came home or ready to cook dinner with just my collar and red pumps on. Or...*sigh*. I'm just making it worse.*wipes tears* I better go on upstairs n try to get some rest, hopefully I'll feel better in the morning. Good Night.

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No words

I am so busy at work right now but hey, when am I never busy.  I have to make this diary entry like right now.

I’m sitting here on the toilet at work lubed up pushing my plug in my ass and texting Daddy.  Yes I can multi-task.  And then it happened.  But first let me explain this Evo phone, when you receive a text message only the first line comes across your screen and you have to open the inbox to read the rest of the message.  So when I see “It has been a pleasure” my mind started racing I immediately started to think OMG it’s been a pleasure BUT.  You know what that but means I don’t even have to explain what bad things are said after but.  Wait a minute there was no BUT, my mind is moving to fast.  I slow down and open the inbox and read the rest of the message.  I feel the tears form behind my eyes.  I take deep breaths and continue reading.  While sitting here holding my phone in one hand and my plug in the other I noticed my hands were shaking.  I am really emotional right now but this is good.  I smile.

I can hardly wait till the next time my Master asks for me to come back up to Him.  Yes, I said Master. <bites bottom lip, tears>  I am still shaking, I can feel my heart through my chest.  I can’t believe my body is reacting like this.  I can’t even explain, there are no words to explain.  Just facial expressions, tears, and shaky hands. 

I push the plug, in send my Master a pic and go to my desk to let my emotions take over.

Censored

I know this is my diary but other folks can read.  I mean really I feel like I am censoring myself right now.  Whatever.  I
I'm not being emotional right now but I guess I AM feeling some type of way.  Maybe the tags connected to this blog will say it all.
I need some sub gal pals I can talk to cause my vanilla friends just don't get it.  There is always my cousin but she may not really give feedback.  Pooo.
Oh well, I'll get over it. 

A Surprise From Daddy... Continued 12/11/2010

Mr. Suave walked in and first thing I notice is his scent. Damn a man with some good cologne is my weakness.  I’m looking at him trying to figure out who he was.  Is this part of my surprise?  Is a bukake my surprise? I don’t know, just have to wait and see. Daddy came a few minutes later with the food but I really wasn’t hungry anymore.  I wanted to learn more about my surprise.   
Okay, let’s fast forward past all the introductions, talking, joking, and laughing.  Ok now Mr. Suave and I are acquainted and Mr. Suave has his clothes off.  Daddy gives me my commands, I take my towel off and I kneel in front of Mr. Suave and take all of his dick into my mouth.  Daddy sat and watched and every word that came out of His mouth; my body responded.  I wanted to look at Daddy to see if He was pleased instead my lips held on to Mr. Suave’s dick and I tried swallowing it when Daddy told me too. I sucked his dick so that Daddy would be proud. I hear good bitch. Yes, he approves.  I’m feeling good and I can tell Mr. Suave is feeling good as well. 

I sat on Daddy’s lap while he rubbed my feet.  I love it when His hands are on me.  I continued to sit there being mindful of my posture while Daddy and Mr. Suave talked.  Mr. Suave kept saying how he wished his lady was here, shit I wished she was here too the way he kept talking I wanted to meet her.  They continued to talk and there is no way I could have felt insecure about anything.  I got so many compliments my self- esteem boosted up bout three notches. Not conceited though. 

I do as I am told and get on the bed, Daddy pulls a chair up next to me while Mr. Suave spreads my legs and dives into Ms. Kitty face first.  I immediately look at Daddy to make sure I am doing everything He wants, that it is ok.  He nods with approval and then kisses me and sucks on my nipples.  I close my eyes and enjoy Mr. Suave’s tongue on my pussy.  Clip! Clip! Daddy has put the pins on my nipples.  Mmmm, that feels so much better. Daddy sits there and sucks my toes.  Yeah my legs were pushed that far back.  Mr. Suave tries to make me cum but Daddy told him that I have been trained not to.  Mr. Suave chose not to listen.  WHAT, did he just call me a “badd muthafucka"? LOL. I’m not “badd”, I’m disciplined.  Besides I dare not cum for another man.  I wouldn't even consider giving that satisfaction unless that is what Daddy wanted.   I smile when I look into Daddy's eyes and I can tell He is pleased that I didn't cum.  He kisses me and I feel so much confidence within myself.

I wanted to be a good slut for Daddy.  I felt honored that my Dom thought of me and wanted to share me.  I definately couldn't let Him down.   Mr. Suave fucked me and danced in my pussy while the whole time I kept my eyes on Daddy or either His dick in my mouth.  Ooooh, I'm trying so hard to get through this blog but with each memory I close my eyes and.....Mmmm. Daddy made me cum and I enjoyed every moment. <breaths in> <breaths out> <body shivers>  I thought my head was gonna spin around like that poltergeist bitch but it didn't.
I felt like Daddy was the main event and Mr. Suave was the opening act. Don't get me wrong I enjoyed him but no one compares to my Dom and the feelings I have when W/we intertwine.  Now at this moment I love that black bitch because she had my ass gaping for Daddy to enjoy. Had my ass open so that I can take ALL of Him inside of me.  I gave my all like I always do and Daddy was pleased. Daddy asked if enjoyed my surprise.  Yes I did.
I wish I could relive Saturday all over again just so that I can be in Daddy's presence.  Laying in the warm comfy blanket and sheets feeling like I was floating on a cloud.  Everytime I'm with Daddy it feels like the first time.  I mean I just don't know what to expect; every moment is pure splendor (hope that's the right word).  He never wants me to leave.  I never want to leave and one day I won't.  Once I build up the courage.  I dozed on and off to sleep, hoping time would go as slow as possible.


So here it is three days later and I still have shivers.  I need to find out if there is there anyone out there giving out new vertabraes? I mean seriously, my spine is all fucked up.