No words

I am so busy at work right now but hey, when am I never busy.  I have to make this diary entry like right now.

I’m sitting here on the toilet at work lubed up pushing my plug in my ass and texting Daddy.  Yes I can multi-task.  And then it happened.  But first let me explain this Evo phone, when you receive a text message only the first line comes across your screen and you have to open the inbox to read the rest of the message.  So when I see “It has been a pleasure” my mind started racing I immediately started to think OMG it’s been a pleasure BUT.  You know what that but means I don’t even have to explain what bad things are said after but.  Wait a minute there was no BUT, my mind is moving to fast.  I slow down and open the inbox and read the rest of the message.  I feel the tears form behind my eyes.  I take deep breaths and continue reading.  While sitting here holding my phone in one hand and my plug in the other I noticed my hands were shaking.  I am really emotional right now but this is good.  I smile.

I can hardly wait till the next time my Master asks for me to come back up to Him.  Yes, I said Master. <bites bottom lip, tears>  I am still shaking, I can feel my heart through my chest.  I can’t believe my body is reacting like this.  I can’t even explain, there are no words to explain.  Just facial expressions, tears, and shaky hands. 

I push the plug, in send my Master a pic and go to my desk to let my emotions take over.

Still Emotional

So I'm still feeling emotional right now. My Dom told me to just wait till next time to come see Him. I didn't even get a chance to explain that I had worked it all out. His word is final. I'm not even gonna talk back or act out. Just simply yes Daddy. Now I'm even more sad and the tears won't stop. I really hate being all emotional and feel like I need to get some things off my chest but I think talking about it would sound more complicated than it really is. Or isn't it? I have not a care in the world right now was jus laying here while I let my child cover my face wit my satin mask. I'm glad cause she couldn't see my tears. Then I figured I would blog again but I didn't really want to. What else no other outlet so hey.

I am really worried that He won't want me anymore because I have a lot with me so many obstacles. I need to distract my mind. I was thinking bout shopping but that is so wasteful. Tomorrow is $1 day at all the museums maybe I'll take my child and we can enrich our minds and learn something new.

Either way I cant stay where I'm at. I've been told to DO me now I have nothing to DO and nowhere to GO better yet nothing I WANT to DO at this point. I just wanted to GO to New York and DO what a good sub is supposed to DO.

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