So Far but So Close

This past week I feel like Master has been here with me eventhough He is hours away. I feel like He is here with me and I am there with Him no space in between us. Just physical distance. He has my mind and spirit and soon He will have my body. My

Published with Blogger-droid v1.6.7

Sad face and tears

Why the fuck does Baltimore and New York have to be so far apart.

Published with Blogger-droid v1.6.5

Training 01/17/2011

Today I completed my daily training as I normally did.  Today's training tasted....salty.  Eventhough 'Na' is one of the major components in urine, today was the first day I really tasted it.  Still yellow, smh those vitamin B's.  Hmmm, I  just need to drink more water. 

Liquid Training Part 2

The past week I have been on liquid training.  At first the thought of drinking urine or drinking my own urine wouldn't even have been in my head four months ago.  Now it has become a daily part of my day.  Morning, noon, and night, sometimes more.  I have become accustomed to the taste.  When I first started I looked in the cup and the liquid was dark yellow.  Damn Vitamin B, I'm used to mines being clear.  I put the cup to my mouth and took a whiff with my nose.  All I could smell were vitamins it didn't smell pissy.  I sipped and the taste was strong.  I gulped it back and made that lemon face.  You know the face when you just ate a bitter ass lemon.  Master always laugh at the silly faces I make.  The next morning I continued with my training.  By the end of the second and third day my tongue was accustomed to the taste.  I supposed the diet that Master has had me on has a lot to do with that.  Of course drinking plenty of water.  Throughout the week I instinctively completed my daily training every time I had the opportunity...err or every time I had to relieve myself.  It is routine now.  I'll be ready for the mouthful that Master will give when He sees me. 

Change of Plans

Soooo this weekend did not turn out the way that Master and I wanted.  First off Master postponed the gang bang because the men that responded were either fat, ugly, or old.  I'm glad He made that decision because if those guys would have came out I would have asked to be blindfolded so that my pussy wouldn't go dry from the sight of looking at them.
I was still supposed to go see Him but situations out of my control kept me stuck in bamma ass Bmore.  Ugh! So another weekend apart another weekend without Him.  Sucks that this is a three day weekend and I have to sit here for three whole days.  It sucks that I didn't even get a chance to see Him.  I swear if I had just five minutes to hold Him, kiss Him, smell Him, rub His feet then I would have been a happier slave.
I got texts from Ms. Petite wanting to see me; she makes me laugh.  That didn't work out either being that if I did make it to see Master Ms. Petite wasn't going to be there because of her schedule.  Got Damn this weekend was a big ass fail.
So of course like I always do when I get sad I turned to my therapy.  I hit Columbia and then Towson Mall.  YAY!!!  It's funny I only feel like shopping when I am in a funky mood any other time I stay away from it buy hey it helped.  I felt an instant fulfillment or high that I still  haven't come down from yet.  Just can't wait to show Master what I got.  I thought about sending some pics but I think I may just wait and model everything in person.
Next weekend I will get my chance to.

6 days until....

So yesterday I looked at a sluts tumblr page from this weekend. She had another gang bang and a bukake. Her writings always get me wet. I layed there imagining myself in that situation and how I would perform. I sent Master a text if He still desires for me to have a gang bang or bukake. He said yes He would give me one.
Today Master text me my gang bang is this weekend. What! Wow! Already that was fast. I'm nervous. Excited but nervous. Whoa I hope I can withstand all the cocks that will be thrown my way. Opening all my holes. I really have to focus on my meditations. I need to work on my stamina hit the gym. I need my nails and feet done. Shit, so much to do in only a week. Damn I hope this snow don't throw my schedule off track. I was thinking bout getting my hair done. No point I'll just wrap it. It's really growing I'll eventually be cutting it. Too bad.
Anyways I have to be ob point make Master proud. I have no idea what to wear. Errr ummm or not I don't know. Shoes! Shoes! Shoes! I just need some sexy shoes. Damn why haven't I found those red pumps yet. I will ask Master what He wants even down to my polish color. I want to make Him pleased with everything that I do.*Sigh* The countdown begins.

Published with Blogger-droid v1.6.5

Squirt 12/6/2010

I always get excited when Daddy gives me a task to complete wheIn I am at work.  Daddy wanted me to go into the bathroom and masturbate until I am about to cum then stop then put my plug in.  Keep the plug in until I get home and fuck both of my holes. Daddy also wanted me to stop and get a bigger plug before I got home.  I did exactly as Daddy instructed and sent Him a picture of the completion of the first portion of my task.  Daddy was pleased.
As usual when I got back to my desk I bounced and grind the plug in my ass waiting to get off of work to go to the toy store.  Soon as 4:15 came I ran out the building and jumped in my car excited to get a new plug.  I couldn't wait to see what the store would have.  I wish I had more time to go to the really nice store because they have more of a selection but the one around the corner from my house will do. 
Damn they only have one color black.  I wish they had my favorite color red.  The only red plug they have is bigger than my head, so I grab the black one and check out.  I am so excited I send Daddy a picture of my new toy.  Now I have to make my way home and finish the rest of my task. 
Daddy wants me to fuck myself by riding on my pink plug and using my vibrator unitl I cum.  Shadow man is in the basement playing video games so I have time to myself to complete my task. Damn this feels good.  I think its time to cut the vibrator on to stimulate my clit so I can cum really good for Daddy.  Damn! I need new batteries. I contemplated taking some batteries out of one of childs toys but I remembered there are some new ones in the basement. Yes, now I can complete my task. I'm sitting on my lil chair looking in the shower door mirrors while I put the vibrator to my clit. Mmmm. I almost fall over on the floor it feels so good.  I lean my head agains the wall and hold the vibrator on my clit.  Hold it, take it, Daddy said I can cum.  I feel this nut building up inside of me and release.  I open my eyes and I see a waterfall of nut gushing out.  I smile.  I take a picture for Daddy so that he can see the puddle of nut on the towel and on the inside of my thighs.  I feel good.

More Anal Training 12/2/2010

Today I was bored and restless.  Daddy said that when I get bored I can either blog, meditate, or read.  Off to the library I go.  I run out the house and pull off.  Oh shit, I forgot my bag so I have to circle around the block run back in the house and get it.  Got it! Im driving down the street when Daddy asks what I am doing.  I told him and he wants to know where my bag is.  I look at it, boy am I glad I remembered to go back and get it, I am never to be without. Daddy wants me to pull over and prepare myself for training.  I pulled to the end of the gas station and pulled my pants down.  Lubed up my ass and plug and put it in.  I moved over to the sex store parking lot where the lighting is dimmer.  Daddy wants me to open my ass and train my ass to prepare for fisting.  I take my plug out and lube my fingers up real good.  I start fucing my ass with one finger then slid in two.  Damn I should have cracked the windows my car smells like ass.  Mmm I love it the smell is turning me on.  I try to slide in three fingers, ouch I need more lube my nails are hurting me.  This ass is so tight.  I try to work it in, work past the tip.  Damn my nails, trying to work past the pain.  Fuck the aroma is driving me crazy, I lick and suck on my fingers. Sniff! Mmm. Sniff! Mmm. Sniff! Mmm. God damn I want Daddy gaping this asshole right now.
Well look at the time, I have to rush to the library and get some books since that was the main purpose of me leaving out.  Get my books and go home.  I keep smelling my fingers ooooh. I am sad when I have to wash my hands.  Sniff! Sniff! Sniff! All I get is Dial soap.

Close pins, lube, vibrator, anal plug Oh My! (Day 2) 11/27/2010

The next day I was ready and eager to do more training.  I couldn't wait for shadow man to go to the gym. After I took a shower and sat on the bed I text Daddy to let him know I was ready to complete my tasks for the day. Same routine I know what to grab. Clothes pins, check. Lube, check. Anal plug, check.  I squeeze and pinch and prepare my nipples to be pinched. Clip! Clip! Breath! Mmmm.
Damn I love the site of my tight little pussy. I clip my lips and rub on my clit. Pinch my clit and CLIP! That one gets me everytime. I practice my breathing. This time Daddy says I can use my vibrator. I grab that bad boy in a heartbeat. I start fucking myself with the dildo that I forget all about the pins and the pain. That is until he vibrator part hit my clit and clothes pin :-o have to reposition.

I smile whenever Daddy says Good bitch. He is pleased, now open that asshole up He says. I shiver. Yes, working my self all week I can now enjoy double penetration.  Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes! I lay on my back throw my legs up lube my ass and fingers to open that hole. I tried to push the plug in, no good. I take the dildo out my pussy and try to put the plug in, still not working. I stand up bend over and slide it right in. I lay back down and try to put the dildo in no success. POP! Damn the plug came out. I repeated a few times, now what. Then my mental light bulb went off.

I hobbled to grab my favorite chair (clothes pins still pinching) and went to the bathroom to proceed. More lube, slide plug in, grind on it slooow. Now time to slide the dildo in. Fuck, I have to keep moving around the angles so it will go in. Maybe if I scoot my ass to he edge of the seat (deep exhales) FINALLY! Damn my pussy muscles are tightening up. Snap! Snap! Snap! Good I got a picture for Daddy. Wtf this picture looks like a transformer. I send it, Daddy is pleased.

I have completed my task I ask Daddy if I could cum. Once permission was granted I bounced up and down on my plug while fucking myself with my vibrator. Up, down, up, down. I opened my eyes to see sooo much CREAM.

Published with Blogger-droid v1.6.5

Still Emotional

So I'm still feeling emotional right now. My Dom told me to just wait till next time to come see Him. I didn't even get a chance to explain that I had worked it all out. His word is final. I'm not even gonna talk back or act out. Just simply yes Daddy. Now I'm even more sad and the tears won't stop. I really hate being all emotional and feel like I need to get some things off my chest but I think talking about it would sound more complicated than it really is. Or isn't it? I have not a care in the world right now was jus laying here while I let my child cover my face wit my satin mask. I'm glad cause she couldn't see my tears. Then I figured I would blog again but I didn't really want to. What else no other outlet so hey.

I am really worried that He won't want me anymore because I have a lot with me so many obstacles. I need to distract my mind. I was thinking bout shopping but that is so wasteful. Tomorrow is $1 day at all the museums maybe I'll take my child and we can enrich our minds and learn something new.

Either way I cant stay where I'm at. I've been told to DO me now I have nothing to DO and nowhere to GO better yet nothing I WANT to DO at this point. I just wanted to GO to New York and DO what a good sub is supposed to DO.

Published with Blogger-droid v1.6.5

Closes pins, lube, vibrator, anal plug Oh My! (Day 1)

To continue with my training Daddy said I could pick up some clothes pins and work my way up to binder clips. Yes, thank you again Daddy. Mmm I'm getting moist just thinking of this experience and writing this blog.
The first night I knew what to do...Damn I'm so horny right now. Have to stay focused...okay. The first night I knew that Daddy wanted me to put the pins on my breast my pussy lips and clit. When I was ready for my training I text Daddy to let Him know. Then I began squeezing and twisting my nipples preparing myself to put the pins on. There goes that dripping again O_o. CLIP! I close my eyes took a deep breath and put the other pin on CLIP! I took a picture to send to Daddy to show Him that I had the clips on. SNAP!
Now at my house I have sliding shower doors so I have better view of what I am doing while I complete my task. I sit on the stool and open my legs wide...wait...let me grab my plug I know Daddy will like that. Mmm and so will I. My ass is already open since I wore my plug the majority of the day at work. Lube it up slide it right in. Bounce on my stool to make sure it is all the way in and doesn't come out. I like to grind on my plug it feels so gooood.
Time to put the pins on these pussy lips. CLIP! CLIP! CLIP! CLIP! Yeah I used four, I want to put more but I don't have a mammoth size pussy. My kitty is cute and petite. LOL. Grind on the plug, Mmmm. Time to put the clothes pin on my clit. Take deep breath and CLIP! Pinch on that clit just like Daddy wants.
Look at that art. SNAP, SNAP, SNAP. I know Daddy will like these pics.
Know would you look at that...a cum river flows.

Published with Blogger-droid v1.6.5

DRIP DRIP DRIP! CLIP CLIP CLIP! BREATH BREATH BREATH! KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK!

Last night was one of the the trainings that I had to move slowly and really get my mind set right.  I had to practice my breathing.  My Dom wanted me to continue with my clips and double penetration training. 

While visting my aunt I sent Daddy a text to let Him know that I was thinking about Him.  He asked if I had my clips and I told Him that yes I had my bag.  I listened and grabbed my bag and went into the bathroom ready to conquer my task.  As instructed I began massaging my nipples and they started to leak, drip drip drip. I kept massaging and my left nipple squirted me in the eye.  O-kay. CLIP! On goes the binder clip.  I felt the pain but it was easy to focus off of the pain.  Now came the time to put the clips onto my vagina. Clipping my vulva and labia together. Put one clip on, took it back off.  BREATH. Put one clip on, took it back off.  The entire time I'm texting my Dom letting him know exactly what I am doing.  I think He was upset with me because I kept taking the clips off. But with His help and His words I was able to focus and get my mind in a place that it needed to be.  Put one clip on. CLIP!  Now the other CLIP!  I feel tightness, my skin around my clit is pulled so much my clit is tingling.  My legs are shaking, I'm breathing...what am I doing lamas.  This isn't labor I've been through labor twice. I can do this.  Breath, Breath, Breath. Grabs phone.  I begin to rub on my clit.  Mmmmm, all pain immediately left my mind.  this feels SO GOOD.  Deep Exhale.. KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK! someone has to use the bathroom  <squeech> 

...........TO BE CONTINUED

my Purpose

my Dom if i could give Him everthing i would.  i want to make His dreams come ture, His fantasies a relaity, His wishes a memory that He would continue to replay in His mind.  i feel like singing Luther Vandross right now and telling Him "if this world were mine". It hurts when i can't be there to satify His every need.  sometimes i feel like a useless sub like wut is my purpose if i cant b there to satisfy His desires.  i don't like this feeling.  i know that He doesn't think this way but i'm just venting. i'm just feeling worthless at the moment.  i'll get over it.  As soon as i receive praise from my obedience or completing a task for Daddy i will fill up with joy. i try to think of different ways that i can satisfy him other than sexually. my mind (my intellect), my spirit (caring), my conversation (connection). Daddy said that he wanted to see me once a month, it's only the middle of November and I have seen Him twice so far and still i feel like that is not enough.  Ugh!!  i don't know if i want to cry or slap myself for not living closer but its really not my fault. i just have to deal and not be so hard on myself.  technology sure makes things a lot better. Thank goodness for webcams.  well my work day is almost over perhaps when i'm in a better mood i can share my weekend and meeting my sub sister.  Till next time....

A Good Day

Just sitting here thinking about my Dom.  Thinking about how much i appreciate Him and care about Him.  Today ended up being a good day.  i struggled through the early hours because ms. kitty wanted to get out of control but after talking to Daddy, i meditated, took a walk and was at peace.  The rest of the day flew right on by.  Tonight i will go to the gym and work out and do some cardio, practice on some breathing techniques.  i'm not going to over strain myself just starting out but i do want to get to get into a routine and become consistent with just going.  Gotta work of the rest of this baby weight and tighten it up.  i'm also gonna have to hit my (sub) sister up to see how her day went.  i am really at peace right now and i want this feeling to last for the rest of the day when i get home with the fam.  Let's see.

Sad Little Puppy

i am feeling so blah right now.  2 days ago i was on top of the world now i am just here.  Things were a lot easier when my husband didn’t care one bit what i did or where i was going.  Now that he knows what i want he is acting like I-spy or some shit.  i just want to do me but i guess that is not what marriage is about. i didn’t think in a marriage i would be so sexually deprived. 

i want sooo much to just be with my Daddy and to be everything for Him. i don’t want Him to want for anything.  It kills me knowing that i cant be there at his call.  When Daddy told me He needed me i jumped on the highway to go see him.  i just wanted to suck and drain all the nut out and leave his scrotum empty.  i was mad at myself for not doing my training and caused myself to be on punishment.  Because i was on punishment i couldn’t sit on Daddy’s dick and get ALL His cum out.  If i had been a good girl i would have been able to take care of Him when He needed me but we both knew that if He was inside me i would have came and He could not go back on His word and let me off punishment.  i learned my lesson i won’t go off training again.  i’ve been holding this nut for days now and i can’t wait till this week is up.    Gosh i’m gonna fuck the shit out my toy, i swear i hope i don’t break it. 

Damn i wanted to cum this morning.  My husband got lucky, i was actually into him n wanted him to touch me. Why couldn’t he succeed and get this nut out (why did i even bother). i’m gonna hit that gym hard today. i’m gonna have to throw myself into my work to keep my mind of my pussy. (sigh) just writing this blog is making my pussy throb more and more. i'm still counting down the days.

random goodness

thank goodness for technology. i mean really i am so glad that i get to see Daddy face now before i go to sleep.  allowing Him to watch me as i put on my sexy next to nothings and bend over touch my toes (dont bend the knees) for Him.  mmmm so glad, so glad. i miss Him so much but this makes it so much easier to cope. to see Daddy's face when He talks to me and see His smile when He is pleased with my tasks.  oooh i love it when He bites His bottom lip; damn i wish i was there to taste them.  keep having flashbacks of my birthday to hear those words from Daddy "I never had a weekend like this before" was music to my ears.  i hope i can keep giving Daddy good times and great memories while W/we are together.  already started working on Daddy coming to see me.  can't wait...................................... Oh.  i'm back just had a flashback when Daddy said my pussy was soooo tight.  i didn't share too much of that in my last blog was trying to keep it all to myself.  i mean damn i don't even remember how many times we fucked not like i was counting but dag i would normally remember. i forgot after four or five that first night.  He really is a hummingbird.  i know i said it before but the entire weekend was good laughs, great intellectual conversation, and YES amazing sex. 
i love it when Daddy puts his hands in all my hair and pulls as hard as He wants appreciating my naturalness.  when the summer time come i will have to rock out my jill scott look just for Him. i fantasize of me being kneeled and washing His legs and feet in the shower then suddenly He grabs a handful of my natural curls and fucks my mouth and i love it  mmmm, can't wait! cant wait! cant wait! if i keep this up im gonna have flashbacks and fantasies all night and won't get any rest for work tomorrow. 
can't wait to go to work tomorrow i already know that talking to Daddy is gonna make me start bouncing on my seat. i hope that it wont be a busy work day, phone ringing off the hook  cuz i'm gonna have to say "bitch pay your taxes and stop fucking up my wet daydream". lol. yeah i am going to get that piercing to work my clit for times like these.
i get the biggest kool-aid smile on my face throughout the day everytime Daddy praises me and says that i am being a good sub and that i am being a good girl.  wish i was with Him so that he couldd caress the nape of my neck or rub my cheek when He says it but i am just happy to know that He is pleased with me. damn another flash back after this and i'm going to post.  just thought about when Daddy pushed my legs so far back i felt like i was in the position to give birth instead he was pushing his Daddy dick so far up inside me i never wanted Him to take His beautiful dick out.  flipped me over and .... (pause) WTF  now my dog is snoring.  okay i am going to have to take this flashback to bed with me tonight and play with the gift that Daddy gave me for my birthday.  Good Night.