Pep in my step

I don't know if this is a good or bad thing. I have alot of time on my hands. Alot. During the day I focus on work and trying to resolve issues during business hours. During the night I am, as one of my twitter followers said "idle". O_O Uh-oh. 

I  find myself getting into things that I probably shouldn't. I try my best to stay off social sites and that did not work. I stay up all night and wake up at the last minute resulting in me rushing around. 

My entire schedule has changed. I don't have any structure. I have to get that back in my life. I have to get back to organization. I have to get back to the gym. My eating habits are off. When I do eat, which has been barely for the past week. Forcing myself to eat at least twice a day. Well at least once. For example,I'm not hungry now, I drank some juice earlier and I am still full. When I get stressed I lose my appetite, become moody and highly irritable. I will just take one day at a time. 

I worry about so many not just myself. I wonder how He is doing. W/we text but the amount of communication is so minute I can hold it in my hands. It makes me sad but I don't think there is much I can do about it all the way down here. I suppose it is what it is. 

Friends and family can be so draining. Right now I feel like that person, that friend, that bestie that is always there to be a shoulder to lean to be there to pick up the pieces and sweep up the crumbs; not even noticed neglected in a sense. Kind of like oh damn we forgot to let the dog in during the snow blizzard type thing. If maybe once in a while my fam and friends say how are you or say good morning. I'm starting to get that "I'm just not that into you" feeling from everyone. 

Regardless I still go about my days smiling for the camera phones, walking into work with a little less pep in my step. I keep reminding myself I shouldnt take it personal.

Red, red, or red?

Not too long ago Master told me He wanted me to get some lipstick; red. I figured this would be a simple thing to do then I realized I don't wear makeup and I don't even know the first thing about buying it. I am a lipgloss; Vaseline on my lips kind of girl. So I figured a trip to Mac was necessary. Isn't that where all the ladies go? So I roll to the mall with my crew we hit the food court to get our energy up. Afterwards I head to Mac to see if one of the associates can help me find what I am looking for. Wait what is it that I am looking for? I want to be clear and make sure that I understand so I get what He wants. Got it. All the associates are busy so I go across the way to Bare Essentuals. Now this is my kind of store more neutral and natural. I asked for the brightest shade of red and it was called "red zing" very beautiful color on me and it went with my skin tone so well. I notice that the store does not have any brighter colors so I get the lipstick for my personal stash (I probably won't even wear it). Back to Mac this time someone was available to help me. "Ruby woo" I absolutely love it. It makes my lips look super bigger than what they are but the color looked well. It was so dry. The associate explained it was a matte lipstick and the difference between the glossier shades. Huh, I am not trying to paint walls. This just got complicated. I couldn't help but think about all the chemicals in these products but a little bit of lipstick won't hurt. I take a picture, send it to Master then on to the next shade. "M.A.C. red" this is nice. A tad brighter than the last one. Creamy as the associate explained so my lips felt moisturized when I applied it. I send Master a pic. Next up "Russian red". Whoa! Now isn't this very slutty. My least favorite color of the night. I could not even imagine myself wearing this anywhere. The more I looked in the mirror the dirtier I felt. I took the pic and cleaned my lips for the last time. Master told me what to get and I checked out. "Russian red" that soundS like a slutty color. I flipped through my pics and I swear that was the worst looking color on me but it was the brightest. :)

Riding home I was thinking what if He asks me to wear this outside walking down the street. I would feel so embarrassed with slut lips. At the same time I was excited cause these slut lips belong to Him and His lips will be painted which ever color that He wishes. I am His creation; His art; His canvas/sculpting. I will wear it proudly where and when told to.

Red Russian a matte lipstick by MAC; I wonder if this will last through a lipstick challenge.
To be continued....