From Podcast

I listened to this statement several times.  so many people don't understand.  They just don't get it.

"bDsm isn’t violence and it isn’t  abuse.  Its consensual intimate play that’s a living breathing flesh and blood fantasy. It’s a framework and philosophy within which you can safely experience your most primal fantasies. Your most visceral desires and help your playmate experience theirs.  All the while developing a trust and unity that just isn’t possible with vanilla sex.  Submission is a celebration of free will with and search for emotional and sexual release by freely giving up control to someone you trust."

J.V. Altharas

Growth

Grooming myself as a submissive. Listening to bDsm topics via podcasts

I feel like I wasted His time and His gas. Now because I did not listen to His instructions, I know that I did not give Him what He wanted. I feel like such a waste.
Everything was perfect. My ass was clean. Food was ready. I just don't know what my problem was.
I don't think I should ask for anything and I will just wait for His command. No sex, no masturbation, nothing. Unless I am told otherwise.

I am so upset with myself right now

Beauty

He gently strummed my soul, creating the melody, while the song flowed from my lips. When the three tears fell from my left eye and slowly danced down my cheek, I knew it was the grand finale.

The way His hands were gentle and delicate. Complete opposite of feeling His strength and roughness. I felt His passion. With each touch, I wanted to melt into Him.
Kisses. His kisses make me feel like the sweetest milk chocolate that He can't get enough of.
Held. Strong embrace. Caress. I did not want to let go.

Not just owned. I felt like I was His. Confirmation was not needed because I already knew it. Confirmation received and appreciated. I felt like the Queen, His Queen because I am.

Served. Not used. His Dominance is still apparent. My complete submission. That doesn't change.

The words we exchanged (our talk) prior made me discard all leftover tools that I used to build my wall back up. Gone. Open. No longer feeling exposed and vulnerable.

He gently strummed my soul, creating the melody, while the song flowed from my lips. When the three tears fell from my left eye and slowly danced down my cheek, I knew it was the grand finale.

07/08/2012 3:45 AM

I have insomnia, my head hurts, and other things hurt but I've moved past them. I just need some warm ginger ale to soothe whatever this is I feel in my stomach.

Bratty sub

I am deprived. I'm having a fit just like a spoiled brat. I have a feeling this weekend will go by real slow for me. Make me suffer extremely. Acting like this is the worst day ever but it really isn't. I'm just in brat mode. I like to get what I want, when I want, and somewhat on my terms. I know I can't control or force it. So I'll let it go. Actually writing made me feel better. Woosa! :)

Monday Madness

Every time He walks in, just the sight of Him has me feeling refreshed.  I was fresh out of the shower just in time for King's Arrival. I asked King if He wished to eat dinner or take His shower first.  I knew that after practice He would want to wind down and relax and I wanted to make Him as comfortable as possible.   King ordered me into the shower.  I stepped in and kneeled as I have done several times before.  He closed the door and left the bathroom in darkness.  I held my hair up with one hand as told.  I felt like a 1950's pin up girl.  Sexy and seductive.  I wanted to look at Him and was glad the window shade was up to allow the moonlight to glow on His skin giving me the opportunity to see.  My eyes traced up His body almost making it to His eyes and then I felt a warm splash hit my face.  I just closed my eyes and opened my mouth.  His liquid ran from my mouth and down my body.  Smells good.  Tastes good.  Feels good.  I was glad He saved that just for me.  Got out the tub and He gave me His tank to put on.  I was not allowed to dry off but the air did that for me.  I washed my hands and served His meal.   

As He ate the dinner I prepared, I was ordered to service King.  I obliged.  I didn't hesitate to get down on my knees and make HIs dick warm and wet.  I enjoy the way that He grows in my mouth and inside my head I had a little challenge while He ate, drank and watched TV.  I missed Him so much, even though we were together Friday, and early Saturday as well as church on Sunday.  It just felt like days since I last saw Him.  Spending time with Him is one of the things that I look forward to.

Later in the evening after playing, lying around, and watching TV, we showered  and retired to the bedroom.  He ordered me to sit on his face and I was not allowed to cum. I thanked Him. From the beginning I knew I wasn't going to be able to hold my orgasm. I asked several times and was denied. I ran but I did not get far. I asked King if I would be punished if I came. I already knew the answer I was just trying to distract myself from releasing by talking.  He flipped me over on to my back.  At that point I wanted to be bad and I wanted Him to spank me for it.  I could not hold it. I came twice.  King said he likes it when I’m bad sometimes but I still would pay for it.

He bit me all over my body.  I love his bites.  Feeling his teeth over me.  One after another.  Hard.  Mixed with soft kisses.  It is euphoric.  The pain began to subside and I wanted each bite to be harder and last longer.  Ms. Kitty was soaking wet.  I felt like my body was floating.  Watching an exotic love scene in a movie and becoming even more aroused.  That moment was so delicious.

Too many adjectives flood my mind to pick one to explain how I felt.

Soft became hard and gentle become rough.  The beast provoked the beast to come out and play for more fun….