Session (something new)

Laying here in bed and I am sore. It is odd it feels as if the skin that rubs against my bone is hurting me, when I sit or when I move my thigh :)
As always I get mad at myself for running. Knowing good and well that after He is finished using me I want more.
Ms. Kitty took it all, I was really surprised when it all came about I never do know what to expect with Him.
Wow! My body felt so limp but if He wanted to use me more I would be ready. Having my pussy fisted for the first time was a painful and amazing experience. I remember feeling pain, hardness, and pressure.
Master told me to get in the tub kneel down. My first thought I thought He would push my head under the water but when I felt the lukewarm water I said to myself He is just washing me off. Silly me. That water went from warm to cold and each time He covered me with water it felt like it got colder. Master caned and spanked my cold wet ass. More water. It was so cold. Reminds me of a humiliating moment I never wrote about.
More stinging, nowhere to run just face the wall and endure it. Then Master stopped, I felt Him grab my hair and put it up in a ponytail so that it wouldn't get wet by the water. So sweet made me smile. After getting out of the tub I dried, I crawled to Master. He positioned me on the bed. Feeling the cane hit my damp skin was worst than it being hit under the cold water. My skin hurt so bad. Master caned my clit. When I control my breathing I always enjoy this type of pain.
The day would not be complete if Black Bitch didn't make an appearance. Stuffed to make my ass gape to His liking. Being used to His satisfaction.
Master allowed me to have multiple orgasms without fucking me. I was thankful to be used. Thankful to take all of His fist inside of me. Thankful for the pain I received.

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Punishment?

Splash! Feel the cold water hit my ass and run down my back and fall from my neck. Swish! I can always here the cane coming. Slap! Ahhh His hands feel so much better. Being spanked. Punished? It hurts so good.
The worst punishment is silence. Knowing Master is disappointed. Staring at my phone waiting. Growing up I always had a fear of balloons being popped and rubberbands popping my skin. My worst physical punishment increased my fear of rubberbands and keeps me mindful of talking back and making excuses.

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I knew this bullshit was going to happen. The water works when I get to work. Ugh I'll just blame it on yawning cause that makes my eyes water. As long as my face doesn't get swollen I should be good.

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What Ever

My feelings are so hurt. I just want to cry myself to sleep but I can't. That weak shit is just not in me. Times like this when I need to cry I cant even force a tear out makes no sense at all. This hurts so much it feels like my heart is about to beat right thru my chest. At first I thought I was being over emotional and caught up in my feelings. Then I realized I'm working with facts and it is what it is. Lesson learned.

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Hmm, I was called territorial and selfish by two different people. I guess poly is not for me.

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Liquid, Water, Wet (old post)

The moment that I have been waiting for. Months I wanted to taste all of Him to be covered in all of Him.
After working out went back to the room jumped in the shower and washed my hair. Got out, get dressed, ready to do my hair. Master went in the bathroom then came back out told His hungry slut to come here grabbed me by the hand and led me into the bathroom. Kneel down He said. Nervous not knowing what was about to happen.
Master got in the shower and I went back to drying my hair I had my eyes closed thinking about Him and still tasting Him on my tongue. Then His hand grabbed the dryer from me put it down. His hard wet body slamming against me. He enjoyed both of His holes. He slapped my ass and went back to His shower. I was there knelt on the edge of the bed. It was so unexpected. He surprised me and I didn't see it coming but I am always ready for Him. Still there on the edge of the bed ass wet pussy dripping. I felt used completely used. I thought about what just happened and smiled. Used.

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Re-plugged

It's been a while since I have been plugged while at work. That I have actually worn it for extensive hours. I missed it. Getting used to pinky all over again. I wore her all day through a meeting and through job training. I am excited to get to the point where I need to be. To the point that He wants me to be I know He has plans. I have to complete the goal

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Many, many, many thoughts intertwined into a big rubber band ball

I want to write a blog but I'm worried that my words will be taken as being a smart ass or too candid. I have a sharp tongue and lots of times a say what's on mind not thinking about the repercussions. Why do I always feel censored? I'm tired of people telling me I hurt they feelings by speaking the truth."Deal with facts fuck feelings" is my motto. Maybe I should be more gentle. This sucks more and more I feel like I have no one to talk to and when I do I don't want to be viewed as disrespectful so I STFU and keep my thoughts to myself. Gotta watch out for these RUNTELDAT folks. Someone always have something to report. Tired of ppl scoping my FB page and sending me private messages cuz I hurt feelings. Or folks getting the wrong impression and start acting dumb. People start getting on my nerves that's why I just been doing me. No one cares more about me than myself. Everyone else does them so I might as well too. I don't even text much anymore. For what to get stuck in a boring conversation with someone. No thanks. This is probably what I should have did in the beginning put my wall up. Now I feel I am in a safe place. Im by myself but at least I am happy being by myself. If I don't have fulfillment its because I am not fulfilling myself. Can't put that on anyone else. I am really about to start cutting everybody off cause I am near the point of Whatever and what's the point? If all I receive from people is a headache, distractions, and wild emotions nah I'll pass. I wish I could post a private blog but I can't. Oh well.

Well this rant blog was some bullshit but now I'm bout to eat some crabs and read some more of my book and be in peace.

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The Greatest Love I Ever Had

I am so happy. This past week I spent a lot of time alone thinking and reflecting.  I feel my strength.  I see myself as a strong positive woman, uplifting, caring, sincere, and humble.  I no longer feel weighted down with issues I have or the issues that others seek my help for.  The burden is gone.  Beautiful being.  Taking one step at a time, one day at a time.  Looking inside and realizing my true worth, my value, and understanding there is always room for growth and potential to do greater things.

Listening to my blog music right now and yes I am So High.  So high off of this positive energy that is flowing inside of me.  So high off of life. I am not speaking on submission and how He makes me feel.  I am speaking on how I make myself feel.  I feel loved.  Self love. I am proud of my accomplishments and the point I am in my life.  Planning on the next steps to higher elevate myself and my family in this crazy mixed up world.  Positioning myself and not being a pawn; a slave to corporate America, a slave to a debt-stricken society, a slave to a greedy manipulative government and health care system.  Uh-uh, not anymore.  Learning, realizing and awakening to all things. (Got a little of track)

New discoveries and inquisitive minds makes me excited.  My daughter fascinates me with her brain.  I am trying to re-program my brain to soak up everything like a sponge.  Just like a little kid because they do not miss anything.  I don’t want to miss anything.  Take it all in and apply the necessary when appropriate. “They Say” you grow from experiences but you also grow from reading and talking to others.  I keep thinking how all week I read something that made me curios and I asked questions and sought my own answers and own knowledge. I love it.  All you need is Google and a library card FREE :p

Just One Text

Well damn I cried all morning. I felt like I was losing one of my dearest friends. Now my friend just text me and everything that I felt I was doing wrong or that my friend was disappointed about doesn't matter. I just want to move forward and continue to enjoy our friendship for years and years. Build amazing memories. Strengthen our bond. I smile and close my eyes. I shine. I remember no one can ever ruin a friendship but the two involved. I don't want that to happen. This is special. Love, cherish, and respect.

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doing some light reading

http://twistedtemptations4.webs.com/polyrelationships.htm
Comments

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I just want to cry. But for me crying is weakness.*wipes away single tear* I mean there is nothing for others to cry I actually console them. Crying is not for me I don't like the way I feel when I am doing it. So I will just toughen up and continue to feel like my insides are gone. Damn that one tear is still there I thought I got rid of it.

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Consistency & Progression

I am going to take a new approach to my training. I am going to push myself harder than I have been. Lately I feel like I have just been doing so I am going to push. In some areas I may not have mental limits but I have them physically or vice versa. I am still working with the humiliation factor. I think if I had a mask then I would be okay with it, matter of fact I know I would. I know there are other areas I need to approve in but I can't think of them now.
I have to continue to be consistent with my actions in a session. I know what to do but I often get so excited to see Master I often forget my modes. Well not forget but forget to put them in practice. Again I have to be consistent that is the only way that it will truly be second nature. Long distance is hard because there is so much time in between each session I just have to stay focused.
I don't think I have issues with discipline mainly because I respect and trust my Master with everything. I will continue to be consistent in this area. What He says I do. What He likes I make mental notes and make changes. I think the biggest thing I am working on is my physical appearance and my sex appeal and that is a continuous work in progress. Even harder now since all my clothes are too big from working out and working hard. Like He said I need to slow my metabolism down and stop dropping sizes. Continue my workouts and sculpting His body the way that He wants. Like a piece of art; modeling clay. Shape me to fit the image in His mind. I like it. I love it. It seems easy cause I was on the workout path before but I wasnt doing it correctly.
Meditations I have been consistent. Readings I want to progress and I have started to pick up books to feed His mind. Continue to read stories and blogs of other submissives as well as interact with them on social sites or text (if time permits).
Wanting to be better, wanting to do better. Continuing to strive for better.

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M.B.S.

Today wad a good day. I am still feeling this amazing energy. Eating right, working out, meditationmusic I listen to, and my emotions all have a part. Feeding my body, mind, and spirit with positivity reflects the same. I try to share it and glad the ones that need it the most are touched (spirit).
Mmmmm Mmm feeling so good I want to gain more knowledge in certain areas but I am going to have to use my resources to make sure I purchase the right tools. Advance in the right direction (mind). Well just another quick blog on my happiness. Time to progress in other areas (body).

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Oh well

Sooo where to begin. Hmmm. I thought I was over it but the matter still seems unresolved. It's been like a week still no response and in my mind it is still open. Think for my sanity I have to just not deal with things or people to not worry if everything is okay. Just focus on my part. That's pretty much all I can do. Oh well. Some times I feel like I should be a protector but that always back fires so I'll just keep to myself. I feel like I have to keep my mouth shut so my words won't be taken out of context but most people ask for a better explanation if they don't understand something. I'll take the hit though. Oh well.
Throughout the weekend these thoughts popped in my head made me uncomfortable made me want to prove I had control. I know I have control but to me actions speak louder than words and my actions show where my mind is at it shows where my heart is at. Communication is key and I love how Master and I communicate there is definitely no problems in that area. So I think it best to just communicate with Him. I realize others that don't communicate with me don't know me but I don't see myself losing sleep over it. Oh well.

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