King

Telling a man that he is my King is one of the hardest things to do. For me that goes beyond saying I love you. My King, the man that I submit to. Only he that shows himself worthy can be given this title. Alot of guys want to be a woman's man but never her King.
My king will know me in and out. From him I will have no secrets. Stroke each other's mind. Passion dripping from our tongues. Secure within himself. Beauty piercing from his eyes. Music from his chest. Fresh. So blessed.
My king not only in my dream. Queen. His WOMB-man. UNIson, UNIon, UNIte. ONE

My place and my position

I am a slave. I serve only one Master in any capacity that is required or desired by Him. Often times from others I hear remarks receive and comments beyond the capacity of the relationship that we have. I know what it is and what it is not. I know my place with Him. I am just His slave and that is it. Nothing more... FACT

Watches clock

Every time I feel like I am on cloud 9 some actions, words, or events changes it. So now I'm a bit irritated and annoyed. The things I yearn I am trying to obtain but I am hesitatant. A waste of time? I hope not, only time will tell.

Pep in my step

I don't know if this is a good or bad thing. I have alot of time on my hands. Alot. During the day I focus on work and trying to resolve issues during business hours. During the night I am, as one of my twitter followers said "idle". O_O Uh-oh. 

I  find myself getting into things that I probably shouldn't. I try my best to stay off social sites and that did not work. I stay up all night and wake up at the last minute resulting in me rushing around. 

My entire schedule has changed. I don't have any structure. I have to get that back in my life. I have to get back to organization. I have to get back to the gym. My eating habits are off. When I do eat, which has been barely for the past week. Forcing myself to eat at least twice a day. Well at least once. For example,I'm not hungry now, I drank some juice earlier and I am still full. When I get stressed I lose my appetite, become moody and highly irritable. I will just take one day at a time. 

I worry about so many not just myself. I wonder how He is doing. W/we text but the amount of communication is so minute I can hold it in my hands. It makes me sad but I don't think there is much I can do about it all the way down here. I suppose it is what it is. 

Friends and family can be so draining. Right now I feel like that person, that friend, that bestie that is always there to be a shoulder to lean to be there to pick up the pieces and sweep up the crumbs; not even noticed neglected in a sense. Kind of like oh damn we forgot to let the dog in during the snow blizzard type thing. If maybe once in a while my fam and friends say how are you or say good morning. I'm starting to get that "I'm just not that into you" feeling from everyone. 

Regardless I still go about my days smiling for the camera phones, walking into work with a little less pep in my step. I keep reminding myself I shouldnt take it personal.

Red, red, or red?

Not too long ago Master told me He wanted me to get some lipstick; red. I figured this would be a simple thing to do then I realized I don't wear makeup and I don't even know the first thing about buying it. I am a lipgloss; Vaseline on my lips kind of girl. So I figured a trip to Mac was necessary. Isn't that where all the ladies go? So I roll to the mall with my crew we hit the food court to get our energy up. Afterwards I head to Mac to see if one of the associates can help me find what I am looking for. Wait what is it that I am looking for? I want to be clear and make sure that I understand so I get what He wants. Got it. All the associates are busy so I go across the way to Bare Essentuals. Now this is my kind of store more neutral and natural. I asked for the brightest shade of red and it was called "red zing" very beautiful color on me and it went with my skin tone so well. I notice that the store does not have any brighter colors so I get the lipstick for my personal stash (I probably won't even wear it). Back to Mac this time someone was available to help me. "Ruby woo" I absolutely love it. It makes my lips look super bigger than what they are but the color looked well. It was so dry. The associate explained it was a matte lipstick and the difference between the glossier shades. Huh, I am not trying to paint walls. This just got complicated. I couldn't help but think about all the chemicals in these products but a little bit of lipstick won't hurt. I take a picture, send it to Master then on to the next shade. "M.A.C. red" this is nice. A tad brighter than the last one. Creamy as the associate explained so my lips felt moisturized when I applied it. I send Master a pic. Next up "Russian red". Whoa! Now isn't this very slutty. My least favorite color of the night. I could not even imagine myself wearing this anywhere. The more I looked in the mirror the dirtier I felt. I took the pic and cleaned my lips for the last time. Master told me what to get and I checked out. "Russian red" that soundS like a slutty color. I flipped through my pics and I swear that was the worst looking color on me but it was the brightest. :)

Riding home I was thinking what if He asks me to wear this outside walking down the street. I would feel so embarrassed with slut lips. At the same time I was excited cause these slut lips belong to Him and His lips will be painted which ever color that He wishes. I am His creation; His art; His canvas/sculpting. I will wear it proudly where and when told to.

Red Russian a matte lipstick by MAC; I wonder if this will last through a lipstick challenge.
To be continued....

My First Time

When He grabbed me and whispered in my ear what He was going to do to me, my eyes widened and all I could say was yes Daddy. I knew it was coming but I was not expecting Him to remind me of all the punishments past I was going to get.
Silly of me to think Master lead me into the bathroom to shower away the dirt from my long bus ride. Now I know with water comes wet skin and even after I dry off my skin is still damp. Perfect skin for a good caning.
BASTINADO, I do not like but I deserve it. Deserve it for acting like I was in control. Only a few licks and feeling the rope tighten and pulled around my neck were enough for me to get my shit together. A few licks was what I needed to get my mind right get my breathing together and focus less on the pain and more on what I was told to do. In and out of focus I buried my head in the bed and gripped the sheets. As I opened my eyes and turned my head everything changed. At that moment I felt like a beast, His beast. Being an obedient pet obeying His command. Listening to His voice as I was told, complying, not moving from my position. With each hit I stared at how beautiful He was. How hard He was and how much He leaked. With each hit I saw that He liked and my mouth began to water. He fed His pet while continuously caning her. I heard it, I felt it, my body accepted it. I wanted my flesh to bleed. I wanted to open my legs and feel a strike against my pussy. I didn't want Him to stop but He did. My ass was on fire and I felt the heat even more when the blows began to come from His hand.(I want to cum right now). I never felt this before. I felt like I was watching myself. I felt the hits but the pain didn't bother me. I was just hungry and I continued to enjoy all that He was giving and I enjoyed it. I thanked Him for getting me to this point.
Now that was the short story to my first time reaching subspace.
Through Him I grow He is my sculptor and has the best in mind for me. He says I am His queen but yet I feel I have much more to work towards before I can be crowned. Every queen is beside her king. Every slave kneels by their Master. Every woman is the support for her man. Greatness is what I seek and the path of enlightenment is what I pursue. Growth is what we all need. I have grown, He has grown, W/we have grown together and I wouldn't want it any other way.

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Only 186 miles away

Laying in this KING sized bed sometimes I feel so alone. As long as I keep my eyes closed and the memories flowing I will be alright. You have my spirit and my mind. Yes the first thought when I rise and the last thought before I go to sleep. My dreams are filled with You even the ones I don’t remember. Nothing tangible for me to squeeze or caress. Just the last touch, the last kiss, the last spanking, and tug of my hair. The last word spoken always is you. The last embrace, the last whiff of You. I hold onto it all. On nights like this when I wish…You come to me traveling ∞ speeds on a breeze then get to my window and slooowly drift by me. I take You all in. I remember. I remember that next time I will store all these moments in my chestbox of treasures to pull out on nights like this.

How I Feel

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Which path is next

I want more...to be continued

When I close my eyes all I see is you. I stayed awake and all I thought about was you. Tonight I will try and get some sleep but I want you to stay in my mind.

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Asking for it

All I had to do was listen but being the greedy slut that I am I couldn't resist. Master gave me simple instructions "Go to sleep with this dick in your mouth". Thirty minutes later my ass was gagging and choking on the rice I ate earlier. I wanted to be used I wanted to taste all of Him I could have controlled my tongue but I didn't want to. I wanted Him to grab a fistful of hair and fuck my face to the point my tears dripped into my lap. I wanted Him to take His holes and use them at His will. Yeah my ass was stinging from being a disobedient little cunt but my pussy was wet from having His hands on me. That was the hardest spanking I recall ever getting. I fucking loved it. I'm horny right now *pokes out lips*.

It is already written

I believe everything happens for a reason and some days I think that the divine plan already has order and we are just minions living out the story that is already written. Either way, I feel that He was placed in my life at a time when the story was due to change. At a time when I was ready and realized, understood, and accepted that I should live my life based on my happiness and not trying to make everyone else happy while neglecting my own feelings.
I'm wondering if He came earlier would my curiosity been enough to coax my willingness. If He came later would I have been a bitter woman blind to her own blessings.
Not far from a year and I have grown in many ways. From Him and through Him I gained the knowledge that I needed. Received the information that inspired me and sparked me to do things that I didn't have the knowledge to do. Driven me to continue to learn and use my resources for continued advancement.
"In the beginning" I told Him that W/we are in each others lives for a reason. I still don't know what that reason is but the journey to that realization is precious and I cherish every moment.

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Session (something new)

Laying here in bed and I am sore. It is odd it feels as if the skin that rubs against my bone is hurting me, when I sit or when I move my thigh :)
As always I get mad at myself for running. Knowing good and well that after He is finished using me I want more.
Ms. Kitty took it all, I was really surprised when it all came about I never do know what to expect with Him.
Wow! My body felt so limp but if He wanted to use me more I would be ready. Having my pussy fisted for the first time was a painful and amazing experience. I remember feeling pain, hardness, and pressure.
Master told me to get in the tub kneel down. My first thought I thought He would push my head under the water but when I felt the lukewarm water I said to myself He is just washing me off. Silly me. That water went from warm to cold and each time He covered me with water it felt like it got colder. Master caned and spanked my cold wet ass. More water. It was so cold. Reminds me of a humiliating moment I never wrote about.
More stinging, nowhere to run just face the wall and endure it. Then Master stopped, I felt Him grab my hair and put it up in a ponytail so that it wouldn't get wet by the water. So sweet made me smile. After getting out of the tub I dried, I crawled to Master. He positioned me on the bed. Feeling the cane hit my damp skin was worst than it being hit under the cold water. My skin hurt so bad. Master caned my clit. When I control my breathing I always enjoy this type of pain.
The day would not be complete if Black Bitch didn't make an appearance. Stuffed to make my ass gape to His liking. Being used to His satisfaction.
Master allowed me to have multiple orgasms without fucking me. I was thankful to be used. Thankful to take all of His fist inside of me. Thankful for the pain I received.

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Punishment?

Splash! Feel the cold water hit my ass and run down my back and fall from my neck. Swish! I can always here the cane coming. Slap! Ahhh His hands feel so much better. Being spanked. Punished? It hurts so good.
The worst punishment is silence. Knowing Master is disappointed. Staring at my phone waiting. Growing up I always had a fear of balloons being popped and rubberbands popping my skin. My worst physical punishment increased my fear of rubberbands and keeps me mindful of talking back and making excuses.

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I knew this bullshit was going to happen. The water works when I get to work. Ugh I'll just blame it on yawning cause that makes my eyes water. As long as my face doesn't get swollen I should be good.

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What Ever

My feelings are so hurt. I just want to cry myself to sleep but I can't. That weak shit is just not in me. Times like this when I need to cry I cant even force a tear out makes no sense at all. This hurts so much it feels like my heart is about to beat right thru my chest. At first I thought I was being over emotional and caught up in my feelings. Then I realized I'm working with facts and it is what it is. Lesson learned.

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Hmm, I was called territorial and selfish by two different people. I guess poly is not for me.

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Liquid, Water, Wet (old post)

The moment that I have been waiting for. Months I wanted to taste all of Him to be covered in all of Him.
After working out went back to the room jumped in the shower and washed my hair. Got out, get dressed, ready to do my hair. Master went in the bathroom then came back out told His hungry slut to come here grabbed me by the hand and led me into the bathroom. Kneel down He said. Nervous not knowing what was about to happen.
Master got in the shower and I went back to drying my hair I had my eyes closed thinking about Him and still tasting Him on my tongue. Then His hand grabbed the dryer from me put it down. His hard wet body slamming against me. He enjoyed both of His holes. He slapped my ass and went back to His shower. I was there knelt on the edge of the bed. It was so unexpected. He surprised me and I didn't see it coming but I am always ready for Him. Still there on the edge of the bed ass wet pussy dripping. I felt used completely used. I thought about what just happened and smiled. Used.

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Re-plugged

It's been a while since I have been plugged while at work. That I have actually worn it for extensive hours. I missed it. Getting used to pinky all over again. I wore her all day through a meeting and through job training. I am excited to get to the point where I need to be. To the point that He wants me to be I know He has plans. I have to complete the goal

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Many, many, many thoughts intertwined into a big rubber band ball

I want to write a blog but I'm worried that my words will be taken as being a smart ass or too candid. I have a sharp tongue and lots of times a say what's on mind not thinking about the repercussions. Why do I always feel censored? I'm tired of people telling me I hurt they feelings by speaking the truth."Deal with facts fuck feelings" is my motto. Maybe I should be more gentle. This sucks more and more I feel like I have no one to talk to and when I do I don't want to be viewed as disrespectful so I STFU and keep my thoughts to myself. Gotta watch out for these RUNTELDAT folks. Someone always have something to report. Tired of ppl scoping my FB page and sending me private messages cuz I hurt feelings. Or folks getting the wrong impression and start acting dumb. People start getting on my nerves that's why I just been doing me. No one cares more about me than myself. Everyone else does them so I might as well too. I don't even text much anymore. For what to get stuck in a boring conversation with someone. No thanks. This is probably what I should have did in the beginning put my wall up. Now I feel I am in a safe place. Im by myself but at least I am happy being by myself. If I don't have fulfillment its because I am not fulfilling myself. Can't put that on anyone else. I am really about to start cutting everybody off cause I am near the point of Whatever and what's the point? If all I receive from people is a headache, distractions, and wild emotions nah I'll pass. I wish I could post a private blog but I can't. Oh well.

Well this rant blog was some bullshit but now I'm bout to eat some crabs and read some more of my book and be in peace.

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The Greatest Love I Ever Had

I am so happy. This past week I spent a lot of time alone thinking and reflecting.  I feel my strength.  I see myself as a strong positive woman, uplifting, caring, sincere, and humble.  I no longer feel weighted down with issues I have or the issues that others seek my help for.  The burden is gone.  Beautiful being.  Taking one step at a time, one day at a time.  Looking inside and realizing my true worth, my value, and understanding there is always room for growth and potential to do greater things.

Listening to my blog music right now and yes I am So High.  So high off of this positive energy that is flowing inside of me.  So high off of life. I am not speaking on submission and how He makes me feel.  I am speaking on how I make myself feel.  I feel loved.  Self love. I am proud of my accomplishments and the point I am in my life.  Planning on the next steps to higher elevate myself and my family in this crazy mixed up world.  Positioning myself and not being a pawn; a slave to corporate America, a slave to a debt-stricken society, a slave to a greedy manipulative government and health care system.  Uh-uh, not anymore.  Learning, realizing and awakening to all things. (Got a little of track)

New discoveries and inquisitive minds makes me excited.  My daughter fascinates me with her brain.  I am trying to re-program my brain to soak up everything like a sponge.  Just like a little kid because they do not miss anything.  I don’t want to miss anything.  Take it all in and apply the necessary when appropriate. “They Say” you grow from experiences but you also grow from reading and talking to others.  I keep thinking how all week I read something that made me curios and I asked questions and sought my own answers and own knowledge. I love it.  All you need is Google and a library card FREE :p

Just One Text

Well damn I cried all morning. I felt like I was losing one of my dearest friends. Now my friend just text me and everything that I felt I was doing wrong or that my friend was disappointed about doesn't matter. I just want to move forward and continue to enjoy our friendship for years and years. Build amazing memories. Strengthen our bond. I smile and close my eyes. I shine. I remember no one can ever ruin a friendship but the two involved. I don't want that to happen. This is special. Love, cherish, and respect.

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doing some light reading

http://twistedtemptations4.webs.com/polyrelationships.htm
Comments

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I just want to cry. But for me crying is weakness.*wipes away single tear* I mean there is nothing for others to cry I actually console them. Crying is not for me I don't like the way I feel when I am doing it. So I will just toughen up and continue to feel like my insides are gone. Damn that one tear is still there I thought I got rid of it.

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Consistency & Progression

I am going to take a new approach to my training. I am going to push myself harder than I have been. Lately I feel like I have just been doing so I am going to push. In some areas I may not have mental limits but I have them physically or vice versa. I am still working with the humiliation factor. I think if I had a mask then I would be okay with it, matter of fact I know I would. I know there are other areas I need to approve in but I can't think of them now.
I have to continue to be consistent with my actions in a session. I know what to do but I often get so excited to see Master I often forget my modes. Well not forget but forget to put them in practice. Again I have to be consistent that is the only way that it will truly be second nature. Long distance is hard because there is so much time in between each session I just have to stay focused.
I don't think I have issues with discipline mainly because I respect and trust my Master with everything. I will continue to be consistent in this area. What He says I do. What He likes I make mental notes and make changes. I think the biggest thing I am working on is my physical appearance and my sex appeal and that is a continuous work in progress. Even harder now since all my clothes are too big from working out and working hard. Like He said I need to slow my metabolism down and stop dropping sizes. Continue my workouts and sculpting His body the way that He wants. Like a piece of art; modeling clay. Shape me to fit the image in His mind. I like it. I love it. It seems easy cause I was on the workout path before but I wasnt doing it correctly.
Meditations I have been consistent. Readings I want to progress and I have started to pick up books to feed His mind. Continue to read stories and blogs of other submissives as well as interact with them on social sites or text (if time permits).
Wanting to be better, wanting to do better. Continuing to strive for better.

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M.B.S.

Today wad a good day. I am still feeling this amazing energy. Eating right, working out, meditationmusic I listen to, and my emotions all have a part. Feeding my body, mind, and spirit with positivity reflects the same. I try to share it and glad the ones that need it the most are touched (spirit).
Mmmmm Mmm feeling so good I want to gain more knowledge in certain areas but I am going to have to use my resources to make sure I purchase the right tools. Advance in the right direction (mind). Well just another quick blog on my happiness. Time to progress in other areas (body).

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Oh well

Sooo where to begin. Hmmm. I thought I was over it but the matter still seems unresolved. It's been like a week still no response and in my mind it is still open. Think for my sanity I have to just not deal with things or people to not worry if everything is okay. Just focus on my part. That's pretty much all I can do. Oh well. Some times I feel like I should be a protector but that always back fires so I'll just keep to myself. I feel like I have to keep my mouth shut so my words won't be taken out of context but most people ask for a better explanation if they don't understand something. I'll take the hit though. Oh well.
Throughout the weekend these thoughts popped in my head made me uncomfortable made me want to prove I had control. I know I have control but to me actions speak louder than words and my actions show where my mind is at it shows where my heart is at. Communication is key and I love how Master and I communicate there is definitely no problems in that area. So I think it best to just communicate with Him. I realize others that don't communicate with me don't know me but I don't see myself losing sleep over it. Oh well.

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With You W/we can Tak3over

Laying in my bed just thinking now what am I supposed to do. What am I supposed to do? I feel like I should be serving, getting a meal, a drink, cleaning, or something. I am happy at how I spent my four day weekend but at the same time want to cry because it is over. I wish this weekend could have been like that movie "Groundhog Day" where it constantly repeated and never ended. Everyday I could wake up and watch Him sleep or wake up to His eyes on me. Kind of feel like I set myself up got spoiled and now I'm going through withdrawals of being near Him..............okay I'm done crying now :) I feel better. Guess I had to get it out.
This weekend was so wonderful. There aren't too many people I can spend ALL day and ALL night without them getting on my nerves or boring me. I never felt like that with Him during these past days. I mean literally where He went I went except when He was working I kinda stayed in the park and did my own thing. Took some pics of my nipples from the cold air and just relaxed. Being around someone for 24 hours and enjoy every minute is amazing.
One of the thing that stuck out the most this weekend was walking down the street. I felt like W/we were radiating or glowing and I sensed people stopping what they were doing and staring at U/us. I mean it could have just been me but I am going to ask Master if He noticed it too.
Especially after His photo shoot W/we walked hand in hand thru Chinatown He led and I followed. I felt so strong and powerful. As W/we walked it felt like everyone was in slow mo and were getting in our way. It still seeemed as if everyone was staring at U/us. Like Master and I had that Bruce Leroy gold glow :p and everyone wanted a part if it, Idk. Seriously it was just amazing and I haven't felt this before walking with Him but I felt it everytime W/we went out and walked this weekend.
#NP Tony Terry - With You

P.S. Master's walk - I love it ;)
Beside every strong man is a strong woman.
Beneath every wonderful respected Master is an obedient slave

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*Aw hell I can't think of a title*

:-/ this is so out of the norm I hope everything is okay. I lost track of the hours He last texted me. I'm starting to get a little nervous cuz it just so happens the topic of discussion today in FL submissive groups were "getting over a Master" or someone saying "I was just released". Now my mind is trying to skip all over the place but I've been good at staying calm and not jumping to conclusions. Just thoughts that entered my head tho. I pushed them out I don't want to think like that or let negativity creep in. I'm just remaining patient. I think the more time I say I'm being patient I add on another hour of actually practicing it. So I'm doing good. To top it all off not a damn person text me today made the day go super slow. I wonder what sis is doing haven't text her in a while. She is so busy, no point in bothering her she prolly working. I'll just let everyone have space. I suppose folks will hit me up when they have time. I guess or am I always initiating the convos. Idk. Where is my bff, Geeze! Where is this blog going. I'm rambling now. Okay good night.
P.S. by the time I submit this blog it will be 15hrs and 15 minutes since He last talked to me. I didn't forget I just didn't want to seem crazy for knowing the exact time but I don't care. I miss Him. Shucks.

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Growing

I know myself very well. I can tell that I have improved in my patience. I am patiently waiting to hear back from Him. Before I would have broke down by now. I am growing, getting better, and improving myself. This is good.

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In Perfect Harmony

Sitting here in my own juices. Still hearing the bumble bees. I was in sync with them. Yes it was beautiful. The harmony of the buzz in the background and my falsetto ringing then dropping down two octaves to an alto. Yeeesss! I love my toys.
Thank You Master

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Drained

I am tired. I am not complaining I just want to relax and have a spa day but everytime my phone goes off from another person that I luv dearly who needs comfort or help. I want to be taken care of at this very moment. Do nothing, no picking ppl up, visiting hospitals, going to funerals, being a listening ear, etc. Nothing for one day.
Just one day where I can sleep wake up and my toes and nails are polished and my hair is done for me. Wake up and have my meals waiting for me. Mmm some fresh fruit for breakfast. Wait a minute didn't mothers day just pass? Oh I was serving my mom, still running around never rest.
Friday is Sunday and I'm still tired did nothing yesterday but again yet to help ppl. I'm drained. Guess I'll just go drink some coconut water

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Still Practicing

I squirted like five times last night. That is all I just wanted to share :-D

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Empathy

I feel what He feels. Eventhough I can't completely feel what He feels today, I do feel some type of way.

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I feel what He sees

Kneeling in front of Him looking down. I feel His eyes on me. His slave. Just waiting.
He brushes my hair back with His hand.
I feel beautiful.

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Punishment

Well day 3 and my ass is still sore. I deserve to feel more pain than what I am feeling but the memory is still there.

...I controlled my breathing like I had been training and I don't know how many strikes later I felt a gush of wetness between my legs. At that moment each lick was pleasurable until I lost my focus and the pain was there again. Thinking about the pleasure makes my pussy tingle.

It hurt at first but I think my anticipation and not knowing how much I could take made it worst. What really made it worst was running. When Master bound me with that pretty red rope I didn't run, I couldn't. Tight around my neck I couldn't go nowhere. Black bitch widening His hole making me take it.
Being bound excited me more and when the cane met my skin my body responded as if I was being fucked. My pussy was soaked. I lost my focus and started thinking how wet my pussy was and then I felt the pain again.
I wanted to make Master happy and stop squirming and just take it. Accept my punishment.
Thank You.

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Fuck! (your ass is grass)

I forgot my bag yesterday and as soon as I realized what I had done I looked at Master and let the words out. What bag He asked *silence*
I'm really stuck on stupid and I keep thinking about that cane in the car. At this point I can't even hold a conversation all I can say is I can't believe I forgot my bag. The bag I've been carrying with me everywhere I go for the past seven months with all the items Master tells me to put in it, dildos, plugs, pins, bullets, everything. Of all days to forget, I forget when Master arrives. No excuses;I don't even have one.
Trying not to think of what Master has in store for me is real hard. It doesn't matter at this point. I deserve it. I deserve to be punished for forgetting and for having so much time in between the last time Master saw me. My mind is racing trying to figure out if He will take it easy on me since it is my first time. It's been a few weeks since the the last time I was punished but then I remembered, there is no way I will ever forget those rubber bands.

He keeps smiling but I already know. *nervous grin*

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Getting back to work

Today was good. Yesterday I expressed to Master my thoughts and the reasons why I thought I was all over the place. Fact is I have work to do but talking about it made me feel better. So today I actually got some work done instead of texting ALL day. I did text a bit but I kept my hands on the keyboard majority of the time :) I just have to break this text-habit.
I like how I can discuss anything with Master about how I am feeling, what I am thinking small or big. Discussing with Him and then seeing things from His point of view always seem so simple and there really was never even a reason for me to act so damn silly; letting my thoughts manifest a whole bunch of nothing.
Work is still crazy but hey...I wasn't thinking about it too much just stayed focused on what I had to do.

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Training/Fisting

I need my ass fucked. I want this cum hole dripping wet so bad my mouth is watering wanting to suck His dick get it nice and wet ready to slide in.
Each time I try to push myself further with my fisting, go deeper. Surprised my nails don't bother me (hmm I need a manicure) anyway I'm loving it. I love the way I feel afterwards I feel like I just want to be used very well offer this hole for His enjoyment.
Two hours later and my pussy is still leaking. Jealous hoe :) Like damn didn't Ms. Kitty just squirt like three times the other day. It's time for my ass to have fun now. Yes!!!

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I think

So I finally figured it out. I think I realized what my problem is. On top of everything going on I realized I hardly talk to Master as much as I used to. That's not the main reason why I've been all over the place but that's a good part of it. I miss Him. O/our conversations throughout the day kinda like stopped but not completely stopped but...oh well I'll just deal with it. Now since I know what was bothering me I can better preoccupy my time. Do some work instead of spacing off all bummed out. I can't even imagine if I didn't talk to Him at all O_O YIKES!! I just stare out my phone like damn, no text. Nothing. Sometimes I just try to apace between the time W/we exchange communication. I need someone to text during the day but everyone is busy or they have boring communication. Ugh!

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On Mute

So much for not writing a blog. I just have a lot if thoughts I want to get out but I can't get my thoughts together to express them correctly and once said you can't takw them back. I keep forgetting things. Simple things, taking vitamins, drinking tea, I hardly eat all my breakfast, snack, or drink enough water. I really don't know what energy I am running off of. I just sit at work dazed mind going 95. I'm trying to figure our what the problem is week 2. Two weeks ago something changed and whatever it was it was a catalyst to all this negative energy surrounding me like black smoke. I don't even smile on the outside to mask what I an feeling anymore. I just said fuck it. I keep reaching for attempts to enjoy myself and have a good time but it is always shirt lived.
Sitting here forcing myself to eat breakfast prolly will just eat toast and eggs nibbled on a piece of pineapple. Not even hungry. I think I'm done.
I just want to turn my cell off and why myself away from the everyone and the world wide web. But I know Master will not be pleased if I disconnect communication with Him. I did that before when I intentionally broke my phone without thinking of the outcome. I was so dramatic*rme*. Now I'm debating with myself if I should turn it off or not. Maybe I'll turn it on silent. Maybe I should leave it in the car. Maybe I should leave it at home for a day. Maybe I should....who am I kidding I won't do any of these things. This sucks my savior to forget everything the gym, I can't go to today cause I have to get a car. I swear I want to be knocked upside my head to forget all of this. Great the thought of being smacked around has my pussy wet :-/

I think I know how she felt :-( is this karma.

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Hmmm idk...

I dont think I should blog until my spirit is in the right place. I have to tackle this negativity. It sucks, I had some good thoughts I wanted to share but I'm not in the right place to write them.

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I feel so much better. I spent all day car shopping didn't find anything but I am not feeling like a sour puss.
My mind is saying I need to be doing something and my body is telling me that I'm tired. No matter what my body and mind is telling me I'm going to listen to Master because He gave me specific instructions on what to do tonight.
I was thinking positive today and whenever some negativity tried to come into my mind I ninja assassined that shit to non-existence.
Feeling good

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Errr...

Well that didn't help much walked out of yoga class still thinking I can't. I feel a need some sense slapped into me. Like really slapped hard as shit. Bitch quit the pity party

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*hangs head in shame*

*sigh* my self esteem, self confidence, self perception, sex appeal is so low. I think that in order to be a sub/slave one should not have these insecurities. So now I am questioning if I deserve to be submissive. I must be a real drag around other people. When folks give me a compliment I analyze their words sp much that either I think they are lying or they are talking out the side of they neck. This week has been crazy but nothing has been helping but the gym thank goodness its yoga today. Will help me clear my mind.
I feel a big knot in my stomach right now. Absolute worst. I just hope he doesn't get tired of this.

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Beauty is in the eyes of the beholder

I keep telling myself that I am beautiful; that is what He tells me. So why the fuck do I keep comparing myself to other chicks. Caring what other people think. It shouldn't even matter.
Some days I feel beautiful some days I don't. Some days I feel sexy some days I don't. I should feel this way all the time. My heart is kind and sincere, matter of fact I'm too damn nice but that is just me. Point is I'm not thinking of the inside right now. Ugh this week is really messing me up. I know that I need to just meditate and keep my mind clear of these poisonous thoughts. The gym will make feel better. Thirty more minutes to clock out time then I will forget these silly thoughts...Until tomorrow.

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I need Him so much right now :-(

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Physically Tired

I am just drained so tired from work. Eventhough I didn't have to go to work today I am preparing myself for a long night to get my work done and meet this deadline tomorrow. I can't wait for the weekend. That's when I can relax and have some fun before I have to do it all over again. I hope I can stay awake to get this project done. *sips on coconut water*

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Where is cumslut?? (in walks painslut)

So for the past couple of weeks my mind has been redirected to different types of pain that I want to feel. Caning being one of them. I found a fetish store n Baltimore solely dedicated to BDsM toys and supplies. My eyes opened and my mouth dropped when I first walked in. I just walked back and forth admiring all the whips, paddles, floggers, canes, and crops. I wanted to glide my hand along the wall but didn't do so cause I felt I needed permission to touch the tools of pain and pleasure eventhough they had no owner. I did however touch one of the canes and slid my fingers down the length and was turned on by the smoothness. I wanted to buy the cane and present it to Master to beat me with but I pulled back not knowing if I'm ready for it. Master will know when His slave is ready. I moved past the masks and collars and again my mouth dropped. The speculum. W/we talked about this instrument may be getting one soon
:) I didn't find the paddle that I was originally looking for but the store made up for it. It feels like my body is in constant want of pain and wants to push past my limits and then push past those.
Hmmm painslut. Damn I'm gonna need another pair of (alter ego) glasses :p

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A Gift for Master

I surprised Master with something that he expressed that He wanted. Master now has rope and a book for Him to study the art. I think I was equally excited buying it as Master was receiving it. Can't wait for Him to excel. That same day the first time He used it I was thinking Damn! He is a pro already :-D amazing. When I felt the red rope go around my ankles I felt I smile come across my face. Til next time...

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Making Progress

I keep seeing images on tumblr of females getting fisted.  I want that so bad and I know Master wants the same as well.  The other day Master said that during our training session He had half of His fist inside of my ass.  At the time I didn't even realize it.  I remember feeling pleasure and pain but I didn't want Him to stop.  How wet my pussy was getting and I kept licking my lips wishing I could have been face fucked at the same time.  *smiles* I just remembered the night Master allowed me to fist myself to see how many fingers I could do.  That was beautiful.  I still have a love/hate relationship with black bitch because I can't get her in only Master has. Ugh that bitch. Sometimes when I'm training I spit on her cause she makes me mad and then I suck all my juices off cause I love the way she feels when she is inside of me.  Well mostly inside of me but either way I like how she stretches my ass.  When told I will keep training and keep progressing so that one day I will be at the point He wants me to be.

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No questions asked

When Master tells me to do something I try not to question it I just do. At some point He will tell me the purpose or I will figure it out. Then I'm like Ohhh Master's mind is always thinking ahead. Makes me appreciate His mental more each time. Damn He is creative :-)
No questions asked because I trust that I will never be hurt or put in a position that I am not comfortable. Everything has a purpose.

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No Turning Back 3 of 3

Like the songs on my playlist: 'Every Thought Is You', 'Fact Is', 'So High', and so on.  I picked them all for a reason.  Of course 'Discipline' was a song dedication from Master :-)

Text sent to Master a few weeks ago: ...EVERY moment Your slave is thinking about You. When Your slave is sleep and when she is awake.  The thoughts of You consume Your slave.  Your slave wakes up and just lays in bed imagining that You are here or she is there.  Your slave takes You wherever she goes.  You are in Your slave.  In her mind, heart, and her spirit...

With Him my insecurities dissapear.  With Him my negative self perceptions fade away.  None of these miniscule things matter.  Being beneath Him my only concern is pleasing Him and satisfying Him.  Not only physically but mentally as well.  I always enjoy O/our conversations.  I keep thinking back to the beginning and how I read from other slaves how they're servitude and relationship with their Master ended up more than a BDsM relationship.  In the beginning...I didn't think this far but as time went on I saw it.  I mean really when you give someone all your trust knowing they will never harm you.  Care for you as you care for them.  RESPECT.  This is the true epitome of a "give and take relationship".
Standing naked outside. Uninhibited. Wanting to remain free.  Once I had tasted it I knew there was no turning back.  Submissive.  Knowing my place. Humble. Continuation is what I crave.  And the fact that I am His makes it all so much better.  *sigh* sitting here listening to Jill Scott, thinking of Him.  I really want to just cry from being so Happy.  Even on a bad day just the thought of Him, His smile makes it all go away.  His words calm me.  His voice alone sends shivers through my body.  I know He expects the best from me and He deserves the best and that is what I want to/will give.
It's funny I was married for a few years and I feel more joy now than I ever have and I have been a submissive for a little over six months.  But I don't want to compare the two relationships because they are completely different.  Bottom line is I am happy and knowing that Master is pleased and satisfied fulfills me.  CONTENTMENT!

I feel like W/we really can take over the world :p

The Beginning 2 of 3

Thinking about the beginning.  The very first time communication was ever exchanged.  The first time I tiptoed on barb wire and stepped out of my box of "societal norm".  No safety net.  I was interested in Him.  Not of the flesh but of the knowledge.  I thought He could teach me something; that I could learn something from Him.  His mind intrigues me.  I wasn't wrong. 
My list of first time experiences are growing with Him.  He was the FIRST to introduce me.  Spark my curiosity.  Fed me with what He knew and had me wanting more.  Hooked like a fish on a bait.  Open wider, more than ever before.  His little pupil already obeying.  And to think all the time I was wasting being unhappy when I could have been redirecting my energies towards greatness.  That's okay, I'm better now.  I am where I am supposed to be.  It's natural I breathe this, I eat and sleep this.  There is no turning back. No going back to the way it was.  That point is gone.  Servitude has become my daily routine.  It is my life.

An Uhappy Woman 1 of 3

In the beinning I was a woman with sexual desires that were surpressed.  Trying to fit the mold of a traditional wife do things that I thought were EXPECTED and ignored my wants.  Unhappy!  In the beginning I was a woman that was bored, unsatisfied, and felt incomplete.  Worried about what others thought feeling pressured to uphold the image of the model "black love" family all my friends envied.  Perfect picture fraternity guy marries sorority lady, house, careers, two kids, and don't forget the dog.  What more could you ask for? Happiness! Completeness! More! Something was missing.  When the unhappiness set in the bitterness and the lack of interest grew.  Still I struggled with worrying about what everyone else would say.  So I stayed.  Then one day it all came to a head.  The bitterness ended.  The lack of interest was redirected.  BDsM. Captured my mind. 
And then I made the choice to walk down a different path leaving the vanilla world behind.  Beginning anew with Him.

Humbled

Sitting on the bathroom floor shirt soaked hair dripping wet. Liquid running between my breast. Whore written all over my face smelling pissy.
Getting ready for the shower taking my tee off and having the smell rubbed back in my face.
Starring, starring, starring.
I keep fucking up.
*He says no shower *
Sitting and the dripping stopped. My hair soaked it all up. Ugh! I smell like a bum sitting on the back of the bus with an all day pass. Just sitting in their own stinch going over and over how they ended up at this point.
Starring not looking into my eyes but at my face. WHORE! I am a whore. His whore.
A stream of warm liquid runs down my face.
humbled.

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Written on 03/23/2011

So I have been meditating so that I would no longer be a big grand mess. I'm in a better place. Then today I noticed my jealousy had subsided. Instead of focusing on other broads I started to just focus on my place, my purpose, my role. That . I made me feel alot better. I reminded myself that I am Master's slave. Not His swing partner not His fuck buddy but His slave. His property. I don't know how many times He has told me that. I was just letting my jealousy cloud my mind and that one fact. I am His :-) Everyone else can call Him Chase, daddy, or maybe even Sir. I can say Master. Now that has more meaning and value to me than anything else. I am so fucking happy right now. Why do I have to keep reminding myself?

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Reflections of Your slave

Master You have assigned Your slave to write about her servitude, her aspirations, and goals as Your slave as well as her fears Master. 

Starting out Your slave was a little unsure what to expect even after all the readings and speaking to other slaves.  Your slave remembers her nervousness our first times together.  Not nervousness of being in Your presence but Nervous because she did not know what would come next, what does Master have in mind?  Your slave still does not know what to expect.  Your slave is humble to You.  Your slave never has and never will disrespect or embarrass You.  Master looking back at these past six months everyday Your slave looked forward to her tasks and training.  Your slave looks forward to receiving praise when she has completed a task for You and knowing that You were pleased. Your satisfaction is Your slaves satisfaction.  Your slave wants to please her Master every moment that she can.  Wanting to please whenever an opportunity arises Master.  Your slave can not imagine being under another Master.  Your slave, Your bitch, Your property, Your creation belongs to You and solely You.  Your slave is proud to be Yours.  Being under You, serving for You, pleasing You, and obeying You gives Your slave fulfillment, she feels compete.
As always Your slave aspires to do better; to be a better slave.  Your slave wants to continue to do her best and continue to knock down the walls of insecurity that she has.  Your slave is continuously growing and learning and is OPEN to TRY.  There are many things that Your slave is looking forward to doing.  Reading and looking at pics sparks Your slaves imagination and she shares with You her thoughts.
Being submissive feels like it comes naturally to Your slave.  It is who Your slave is from the time Your slave wakes up till the time Your slave goes to bed and some nights; even in her dreams. 
Master Your slave has two fears.  The first fear is of public humiliation.  However Your slave does want to experience public humiliation but Your slave just knows the first time she experiences this the fear and the adrenaline….Your slave can’t quite imagine it right now.  Your slave is sure that she will write an amazing blog once she does experiences it.  Your slaves second fear is not being Your slave anymore. 
Your slave has enjoyed being Your slave.  There has not been a moment that Your slave has disliked or has disagreed with what You have done.  Every moment has been pleasurable.  Or painful which Your slave enjoys just as much possibly MORE ;-)  Your slave wants to continue to grow with You and continue to test her Limits and push past them.  Your slave WANTS to be Your house slave to be there everyday to serve You.  Your slave knows Your DESIRES and she wants more than anything to be able to fulfill them Master.

Yummy Yummy

Breakfast yesterday and breakfast today. No sugar and it was still good. Thank You Master for allowing Your slave to have such delicious meals.

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Who Ate The Cookies From The Cookie Jar (Dream 1)

He walks into the room holding the leash leading His pet into the room.  She crawls on her hands and knees behind her Master.  He instructs her to lie down on the bed, He blindfolds her and ties her hands to the bed post.  She hears the door shut. *jingles* What is that sound, what does Master have in store for her today? Master sits down beside her on the bed and lifts her knees up and spreads her legs open while holding them.  Mmm she loves His touch.  His hands are like no other mans hands and she can always tell that it is Him even when she can not see. *jingles* ?!? Master's pet gets nervous she is trying to figure out what the noise is especially since both of Master's hands are on her.  There must be another person in the room.  His pet sensed someone coming between her thighs.  She felt something cold on her pussy.  Cold and damp. She felt soft silky hair brush up against her thighs.  No jingles.  Still.  She heard a deep exhale. Master's pet is blinded and bound.  The thoughts are racing through her head trying to imagine what is about to happen.  And then she felt it.  She felt the tongue lick up and down her pussy.  Gentle, soft, fast licks all over her clit.  Master's pet felt the warm tongue go inside her pussy.  She moaned. *jingles*  She wanted to take her hands and shove the person's head in further but she couldn't they were restrained.  Her legs quivered but Her Master held them in place.  "do you like that My slut"?, He said. "Yes Daddy".  "I see My pet is enjoying her treat that Daddy is giving her." "Yes Daddy". The jingling is constant it sounds like X-Mas bells and Master's pet is being unwrapped.  Was she getting a treat or was she THE TREAT??
"Mmm, I see My dirty slut wants to cum, but she can't.  Not right now." "Yes Daddy". Master's pet was at the brink of ecstasy but she remembered Master's words.  She had to hold back.  Not yet.  Not until He gave her permission.  The person's tongue felt like it went further, DEEPER inside her pussy with each lick.  She felt the warm tongue moving against her pussy walls, then up and down her clit.  Damn whoever this is they didn't miss a drip.  It felt like she was being fucked and licked at the same time.  *jingles*
Master's pet tried to control her squirms but the sensation was so pleasurable.  She whimpered and whined and then begged for permission.  "Daddy PLEASE can Your slut cum, Daddy do You wish for Your bitch to cum Daddy"? The only thing Master's pet heard was the person with the silky soft hair lapping away at her juices. The hot tongue sliding in and out of her pussy. Master's hands holding her shaky knees.  Time went by and Master's and then they came, the words she waiting to hear.
"Yes cunt, you can cum for Daddy.  Let Daddy see". "Daddy yes Daddy, yes Daddy, yes Daddy" she repeated as her head moved from side to side.  Master's pet pulled on the wrist restraints, her body tensed and she arched her back.  She felt her hot juices slither down between her ass.  But it wasn't there for long, it was licked right up.  All of her cream that gushed out of her pussy was tasted and Master's pet could tell nothing was left to spare.
Master's pet continued to shake.  Her clit tender and sensitive to touch. Master's hands let her knees go and she heard the last jingle. Mmmm.  She squeezed her legs together and rocked her hips side to side.  She smiled.  She felt something wet rubbing against her ankle.  She felt the soft silky hair.  Master released her hands and slid her blindfold off of her eyes.
Master's pet slowly opened her eyes.  Sensitive to the light she blinked until they came into focus.  Master smiled "Good Girl". "Yes Daddy".  *jingles* Master's pet turned to the bottom of the bed to see what the jingles were.
Cookie?!? What was Cookie doing out of her cage.  Guess Cookie was doing what her Master told her to do.  Hmmm, Cookie ate my cookies.  And drank my milk.  Master's pet crawled over to the little Yorkie and kissed her on her nose.  *sniff* "Smells like someone ate all their TREATS".
...I opened my eyes from my dream.  I was alone laying in bed no Master, no Dog, no jingles, just the memory of my dream.  I put my hands between my legs and felt the moistness. I smiled then grabbed the blanket and rolled back over to sleep.

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No Comunicado 3/6/2011

I crawled on the inside roof of my car looking through muddy water. 
Searching.
My hand is cut open bleeding but still I am on my hands and knees looking.
In pain, wet, and freezing. I don't stop.  I keep searching for what I need to find.
I see my self like an out of body experience or better yet like I am sitting at home on my couch watching a Lifetime movie.  Yelling at the the TV "crazy bitch get out the car 'for it blows up".
But it wasn't a movie.  This was real.
I have to let Him know.  I have to call Master.
Master! He was all that was on my mind at this very point in time. 
Calling Him to update Him.
I must have been out of my mind crawling through a totaled car looking for a cell phone.  Even if I found my phone, it is probably damaged from all the rain and mud. 
I keep searching.  Why can't I find it.
A sadness comes over me.  I drop my head and realize that I am out of time.
On my hands and knees I turn around and crawl through the muddy water and glass. Crawl out the back window and stand on the side of the highway.  I look at the wreckage. 
I am glad my family is alive.  I am glad that I am alive. 
I want my phone. 
I want my Master.

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A Big Grand Mess

I don't even know where to begin. First off I think I'm going to delete my Facebook and Twitter I've been thinking what is really the point.  I rarely socialize with people in person why online.  If I call you or text that is good enough.  Okay that was random. 
I have been such a bad girl :-( I don't know what I was thinking. After I told Master what I have done I wished a had kept my FN mouth shut but then that would have been an omission and to me an omission is a lie and I despise lies.  Coming clean and telling the truth always makes me feel better I just accept the outcome from my actions as an adult and deal.  In this case I accept my punishment and thank Master for it.  I'm still trying to figure out how to carry my punishment out with one good hand and one good side.  I guess I'll figure it out.  I'm just worried that I can't complete my punishment the way Master wants me to.  *sigh* Damn car accident.
I'm feeling like a big grand mess right now.  Sitting here doing what? Not a got damn thing.  Thoughts all fucked up, diet all fucked up, emotions all fucked up.  I don't know what the hell I'm doing right now.  I need to go upstairs and test my swinging arm. It doesn't matter I will push through the pain when I get up there. I need to push myself to be a better slave.  I am always re-evaluating myself and telling myself to do better. I think I am my worse critic yet I don't take criticism well from others.  Hmm?
Master mentioned the possibility of a sister.  I'm going to have to come back to that another time cause that doesn't fall under this "Big Grand Mess blog". My location and my thoughts and emotions (yeah, emotions *rolls eyes*) that I have from being away from Master is a big grand mess and I guess I can tie the sister thing into these thoughts somewhere along the lines but I'd rather not mess with my mind like that cause then that would be all fucked up. 
After this past weekend I just want to distance myself from the family and just move but who knows how long that will all take. 
Once again my thoughts are all jumbled up and all over the place. Damn I need to get focused. No excuses.  Something else for me to work on.

Mental Fabrication Of The Dripping Pussy

Today I'm going to meditate and clear my mind. Cause right now my pussy is consuming all my thoughts. I feel like if I was riding dick I would turn into that psycho bitch from I'm Gonna Get You Sucka. And instead of yelling Cramps! I'll yell Dick! Then snap the mufuccas head off. Hmm that's not good but that is what I am thinking. Sitting here at my desk and I can feel the drips running down my pussy walls and gathering in the seat of my panties. So FN distracted. I'm at work fingers tapping the keyboard; eyes staring at the screen. My mind is in my jeans pulling my thong to the side and stroking my pussy and sucking on my clit. Oh gosh I just felt some wetness between my ass. *bites lips* Yeah I think I may take an early lunch can't wait an hour to get my mind right.

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Thank You Master

Days later when my body is still in pain I just sit and think how I ended up like this. Thank You Master.

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Home (02/25/2011)

In the beginning Master wanted me to come to Him once a month. I will be going home tomorrow *checks calendar* I was there Valentines weekend and if I wasn't bonding with my mom, aunt, cousins nthem I would have been with Master last weekend bonding with Him and training with His fist.
Thank goodness for the bus cuz Eva (my car) would have been burnt out. If I could I would be on the bus every weekend.
I am happy for every moment I get to spend with Master, for the moments to please Him the way He deserves to be pleased. Every moment is a new memory; a new smile. I'm not even there yet and I'm already regretting leaving. That's the hard part. Waking up and knowing I have to leave. But enough of that let me prepare myself to enjoy every moment that W/we will be together. Creating new memories and sharing smiles.

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Sub Sister

first there was one.  then came me. then there were two.
back to one. All is good.
back to two.  it was chill.
CRAZY!!!
back to one.
still one.
getting spoiled.
still one.
getting selfish.
still one.
*sigh* I'm gonna have to start to mentally prepare myself to be back at two.
still one.
a NEW one.
still one.
one day.
-_-
still one.
I did it before I can do it again.
still one.
It's not about me.
still one.
Master's pleasure

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A Jealous Squirter

As much as my breasts squirt out milk my pussy should be jealous because she hasn't squirted in a while.

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Thinking & Driving

My breast feel like my nipples were chopped off and I am driving with open wounds. But I still have the pins on. I tried to put the pins on at the last minute before I walked out of the house but the damn kids were moving slow as shit and I put them on ten minutes too early.
Dropping the kids off was a task in itself. Black bitch kept sliding out my ass into my pussy everytime I got up, in and out of the car. Pulled up to daycare for the first drop off. Please don't let this baby hit my breast. Please oh please oh please! Picked her up and took her in. I made it out safely. I position black bitch and squat back over my seat and sit down so that I can feel her slide back inside of me. One more drop off to go. That went great only because I didn't have to get out of my car. Now off to work and I'm not putting on my seatbelt. But what if I have an accident and the pins get pulled off or impaled in my skin. Hmm? I'll take my chances.
Maybe I'll cut the radio on to take my mind off the pain. Ugh Pretty Girl Rock I'm tired of this damn song. Practicing on my breathing techniques *makes a left*. Damn I'm scared to move my arms. I never drive with two hands. I'm stiff as shit.*relax, relax, relax*. What the hell are these fools talking bout on 95.5? Good my mind is distracted. Now its not. My chest feels like it is on fire. *breathes*
Damn this traffic I might as well be driving Miss Daisy any other day I can zoom to work. I can do this, I can take it. I think my breasts are numb but if they were numb I wouldn't be able to feel the pain. I wish my breast were big enough to fit my nipples in my own mouth so I can suck and soothe them when I get to work and take these pins off. Ugh little ass titties. *makes a right*. Bumpy road *holds boobs* that wasn't too bad. Not even close to work yet, I'm gonna send Master a text. Shit I almost dropped my phone underneath the pedal. If that phone had fell I damn sure wasn't going to bend over and pick it up. I'll put the phone down and wait a little longer.
Okay time to text Him 15 more minutes till I get to work. I internalize Master's words and keep on driving. I refuse to use my safe words at this point. I am almost there. Where is black bitch? She is doing her own thing. I lean forward to push her inside me more to streTCH, STRETCH my ass. Take my focus off my nipples.*makes left* Mmm *makes right*
I flex my sphincter muscles around black bitch as I drive thinking about Him. Thinking about Master my mind is off all of the pain. I smile. I miss Him so much.
I feel a cramp on the right side of my stomach underneath my breast. *bites bottom lip* I am almost there. Master will be happy with some pics as soon as I can get to work to take them.*pulls up to VIP parking* Where the hell is my handicapped card? Great now I have to bend over and search for it. More time, time, time! Wasting time looking for this card so that I won't get a ticket. BREATHE! BREATHE! BREATHE! *exhales* Got it. I hop out my car and go into the building. I hope I don't see anyone that wants to hold on a conversation. Better yet I'll go into the bathroom on the first floor that way I don't have to wait for the elevator. Just the thought of taking these pins off is pain in itself. Taking them off always seem to hurt much more than putting them on. Yes someone is coming out, I try to run and catch the door before it closes. No luck. What better time for my memory to fail me and I forget the access code and locked myself out. Thanks to the security guard I got in. I throw my stuff in the chair and go straight to a stall with some good lighting. Ok, left breast first. That wasn't so bad. Look at that indentation. SNAP! SNAP! SNAP! I look at the pics to find a good one to send to Master. No good I can't really see the redness and the marks in the pics so I take them again. SNAP! SNAP! SNAP! I look at the pics and I feel a shock of pain in my right breast. Keep it moving. Right breast. This one always hurts the most. I squeeze and barely release the pressure and milk squirted out of my nipple. Whoa! I wish Master could have seen that. I can still take a pic of the drops that remain on my nipples. SNAP! SNAP! SNAP! I want to touch them but I don't. I just slide them back in my bra and pat them a little and head to my desk.
I take out black bitch and put in pinky and go about the rest of my day like a good little worker. Even better like a good little slut.

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Training Stepped Up

Today I used my safe word while doing my daily training. This has only happened once before with the BINDER CLIPS O_O. Today I stuck to my diet and I had rest since it was a snow day. To explain why I feel light headed, which has turned into a slight headache, I don't know? I wish I was with Master.
So I had more time as usual and my training lasted longer than it normally would. Pain and pleasure. Then pain, pleasure, and black bitch. Which resulted in pain, pleasure, and pain & pleasure. *Sighs* black bitch she will be getting a cousin soon. The pain lasted what seemed like a long time.
Mmm those clips. The clips left indentations and my skin red. SNAP! SNAP! SNAP! Master liked my marks :D
I was shaking from the pain but I felt good all at the same time.

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Slacker

I have to step it up. PERIOD. POINT. BLANK.

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Hmmm 02/21/2011 @ 4:30

I don't know why people feel they have to lie to me. I would much rather that they don't because I can handle the truth and eventually I find out the truth. I get more mad when I find out that someone has lied to me opposed to when they actually come and tell me the truth upfront.*sigh* I don't know what to do about this shit or how to respond. Should I say anything or not. Hmmm

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(written on) February 17, 2011

No name cause I don't know what the hell this bullshit is.
The past few weeks I've been bored. Ugh. I just want more. I would be silly to think I wouldn't feel like this if I was living in NY because these thoughts just started the past three to four weeks ago. Before I wasn't BORED so why now? When I say more I mean More guidance, more intensity with my training. If I had found that plug last night I probably would be satisfied and focused on conquering it. Well I am satisfied but at times I'm like...idk...don't know the words.
Another problem I have is a thrive for attention. I NEED it. Well I don't need it but I love it who doesn't. I don't like random attention from dudes on the street. I need attention from the people that matter. When I don't get that, that shit sets me on fire and I get pissed then end up saying fuck all of ya'll. I'm trying not to be like that I'm trying to be patient. I have been reading, blogging, and meditating with no resolution. So now what!?

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Swinger

My Master is a swinger and I accept that. When Master says He is horny, I as a slave am frustrated because I am not there to serve Him. I am also frustrated when these broads He fucks still leave Him horny and again I am unable to be there to fix what they have not done. Master pretty much tells me everything so I know when He has been when someone else. Sometimes my sixth sense let's me know before He even tells me. I told Master bout about this last night and how majority of the time when I thought He was fucking He told me the next day that He was. He laughed at my comment. I guess the reason that I am writing this blog is to say I understood Master's lifestyle before He became my Master before He became my Dom. I have my moments when I get jealous when He is with someone else but majority of the time I just want Him to be happy. I just want Him to be COMPLETELY satisfied rather I am there or not. At times I suppose that it is difficult for Him to be satisfied when Master says He specifically wants His slave. I know His full satisfaction will not be received until I am there and He can physically Dominate me. Till He can pee on me, train me, and fist me. Do as He wishes with me; to His slave, His property.

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Inside Joke

Driving to work and I saw a guy walking down the street. He had a macho walk but it didn't seem natural. It seemed like he was forcing to walk a certain way to be perceived by others that he is a tough guy. I don't know. Well regardless if he is or isn't analyzing his walk made me think of Master and how He walks. I have the biggest cheesy ass smile on my face right now. I'm smiling because of the thoughts that I have when I am walking behind Master. I'm watching. I'm analyzing. His walk. His movements. Last week I was laying there watching Him and Master asked what I was doing and I said watching You. When I watch and focus on the way He walks all the nasty thoughts come flooding into my head. Im so bad *chuckles*. I guess that is my little inside thought (joke) that I will keep to myself :D

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In The Middle Of Training...

Don't you just hate it when the battery dies. (the bullet was backup)

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Vanilla

Regular sex is so boring to me. I can not have sex and enjoy it as much as I used to. I can't even masturbate and cum anymore it takes forever. Don't know if this is good or bad but at the moment I am thinking it is ALL bad. If I train and plug my ass and masturbate I can cum in less than a minute. Being spanked before or during sex heightens me. Being choked, hair pulled, and of course plugged while being fucked drives me insane. I fantasize having a knife being dragged down from my neck, over my breasts, across my abdomen, and down to my pussy. Being on my knees while being slowly fucked and feeling a knife glide between my shoulder blades then across my ass. I told Master that I would like to be blindfolded so that I could not anticipate what He would do to me. Actually seeing what is coming...that fear would get my heart racing. Tied up and FORCED to take it all no running; only tears running down my face. Pure ecstasy.*SIGH* I need this. "No sex is required"! I need to be an obedient bitch. I need to be humiliated and controlled. Mentally in awe. This it what gets me going. This it what gets ME wet. This is what gets my cum trail dripping down to my ass. But anyway, this plain Jane sex isn't doing it for me anymore. I mean of course I enjoy sex but afterwards my body feels neglected. My body feels like saying "push me to my limits" and "don't stop". To be fully satisfied my body needs the above as a minimum. Regular sex is boring it is just not enough. My body wants more and moRE and mORE and MORE!

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My Pussy is Ripe

My pussy is so ripe that one nibble will have my nectar dripping down your chin.
Damn I had this cum building up for days. I already know how my body will respond...squirt, gush, loads of cum released. Just this morning I was thinking like a disobedient bitch but I knew not to act on it. I just imagined myself going in the bathroom with Mr. Blue and stimulating my clit until I squirted all over the tub. Master said that I could not and I had to oblige.
All week my pussy was leaking leaving my panties wet. At work I wanted to suck on them and try to get all the nut out the seams of the cotton. Some days having the lace from my thong rub against my clit when I sat and stood up.*shiver* Ahh shit, writing this blog and the vibrations from this bus and highway has my pussy tingling. Damn two more hours. All week I've been fucking and grinding my ass with black bitch; leaking all over her handle and sucking it off. Patting Ms. Kitty to keep her calm. Some days I was a little nervous to train thinking I would squirt by mistake but I didn't. I am able to control my orgasm. Each round I was stimulating my clit watching my pussy muscles jump, crying for attention, begging to be filled, yearning to choke the life out of His dick. She was getting out of control and I had to stop before I came. I slid my fingers between my slit to make sure I hadn't. Good Bitch! is what I heard in my head. The approval I receive from Master. The praise for being obedient. Yes, my pussy is ripe and like they say the older the berry the sweater the juice or as I say the fatter the pussy the more juice. Okay that was corny but hey LOL.

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Misbehaving 02/10/2011

Lately I have been...umm mouthy! Not intentionally just the fact that I am getting too comfortable and forgetting my place when speaking with Master. I need to correct that. I thought a lot of my actions yesterday and the consequences. Punishment and if it continues being a slave with no Master *gasps* the ultimate worst. That was not my first warning :( I have to remember who I am talking to and stop "talking back" and do as I am told. Everything Master tells me to do has a purpose. I know that, I have to remember that, and I have to act like it.

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So Far but So Close

This past week I feel like Master has been here with me eventhough He is hours away. I feel like He is here with me and I am there with Him no space in between us. Just physical distance. He has my mind and spirit and soon He will have my body. My

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Work It Out

On my way to work and all I can think about is hitting the gym. My schedule is a bit hectic but I'm gonna make it happen. My body wants it as much as it needs it. Gotta hit the bike and arms and that row machine which always wipes me out. Gotta be the badd bitch that Master wants me to be. That I want to be. Gotta do it for self first. They say I'm already badd but I'm my worst critic. Gotta keep working it out no slacking. Stay on the eating plan Master laid out for me. Damn I'm pumped to get in the gym its been a few days. I'm really looking forward to it :)

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02/04/2011 - 02/06/2011

The worse weekend ever

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Home

Was sitting at a red light and just saw a man jump off one bus to run for another. My first thought was he was in a hurry to get home. Maybe or maybe not. Either way it made me think that I am in no hurry to go to my house. I am in fact ready to go home. My Brooklyn home that is. What a wonderful feeling that would be to get off of work and actually want to rush home, to relax and enjoy yourself and your company.*sigh* I'm ready to go home.

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Day-to-Day

Just dealing with the everyday responsibilities of life.

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Quick task for Master

Slow day at work. Majority of the folks decided to stay home since it was snow outside today. Like always I am here. I am here at work bored and horny. Bored enough that I rant my sexual frustrations on Twitter but just a little. I even take a pic of my boobs while sitting at my desk to send to Master.
Master responds He likes. I ask if there is anything His slave can do for Him? Voila and there is. I have been waiting for days to perform a task and please Him.
As instructed a grab my BAG and run into the bathroom. I lubed up put my pink plug in my ass and sat down and held my bullet to my clit. I did everything Master told me to do. Damn I'm so horny I can feel the nut build up. This isn't going to take long. Damn the lights go out. I hate when that happens. Damn sensor lights I wave my hands in the air nothing happens so I get up open the stall door so they come back on and sit down. Now back to business. Mmmm. I lean my head on the wall...then Damn. Someone would come in the bathroom and try to come to the last stall that I am in.*sigh* I cut the bullet off."I'm in here", "oops sorry *giggles*" then she goes to one of the other five stalls that are open. Silly bitch.
I held the bullet to my clit leaned my head back and pushed while I grind down on my plug. I fell over foward with silent screams and moans..um I think they were silent.
SNAP! SNAP! SNAP! (Master just responded to the montage I sent Him. Good Bitch :D)
SNAP! SNAP! SNAP! I send the photos to Master loading His phone with pic after pic. Mmmm He will like that that was a big nut I let out. I even took a pic of me sucking on the plug. Yummy!
Back to my desk. Well what do you know almost time to go home.

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Just The Two Of U/us

So change of plans Master gave me an option and I wanted to go home. So home I went and I am glad because I have no idea what W/we would have done here.
Pulled out first thing in the morning flew up the road no traffic no cops good music. Now that is my kind of road trip.
I get home and I'm like damn I can't wear my cute shoes I have on. Unless I want to bust my ass on the icy ass sidewalks I have to put on some LOWER heels :( but safety first. Soon as I got out the car I was quick to change them when the snow hit my suede so I wasn't sad for too long.
Master said W/we were hitting the city He was taking me out to see the city no driving; catch the train like a New Yorker. Off W/we went, walking and talking to the subway. New York train system is so complex nothing like the Metro here. Metro is so tourist friendly. I would have got lost on NY subway if I attempted to ride by myself.
W/we rode, chatted, snuggled for what seemed like forever. I don't know what I was in a hurry for because soon as W/we came out the subway WHAM! it was cold as shit. Master showed me the heart of Manhattan. It felt so good walking with Him like that is where I belonged. Walking with an invisible leash. Paying attention for His hand gestures and direction without Him speaking a word. That made me feel like a good slave to not miss anything.
Master took me to get something to eat where I ate sushi for the first time. Yummy yummy yummy. Everything was good even the eel that Master fed me. I sat there stealing glimpses into His eyes eventhough I shouldn't have. And then W/we stared into each others eyes for what seemed like forever. His beautiful eyes :) That very moment gives me shivers whenever I think about it. Out of the whole day I had the most fun here bonding with him.
So of course like a little bird I couldn't eat all my food. I'm so damn wasteful smh. Well anyway back in the cold and off to the movie theatre to see the Green Hornet. W/we chilled before the movie started. He always make me smile with everything He says or does. Oh by the way great movie.
Late that evening I experienced yet another great; when Master undressed me. On the ride up I was imagining Him ripping the damn thing off of me. Instead He kissed me, stood me up, and S L O W L Y slid the negligee' down my skin. Mmmm. *slowly exhales*. While with Him I tried to make up for all the weeks that W/we were apart. I have been working out so my stamina has increased. My thighs weren't burning and I felt like I could keep going and going like an energizer bunny. Feeling Master's hands on my ass as He spanked me was sooo....let's just say I really needed that. Watching my ass jiggle after every hit made me smile and want more.
I was hungry to have Master's cock and balls in my mouth. Tasting Him as I let his nut fall from my mouth and run down over my breasts. I was even more hungry to taste the thick load Master put on the side of my face. The way He held my head down and painted my nose, cheek, and chin. I wished my tongue was long enough to wrap around and taste His nectar. Instead I used my hand and tasted Yummy.
Bent the Fuck over I felt Master training my ass stretching her out. Damn I got sore too fast haven't been training my ass all week:( only liquid training. I got to do better stop running. I know if Master had tied me down I would have took it all. No excuses.
I don't even remember how many times W/we came. I didn't want to stop but I had to force myself to take a nap so I wouldn't be tired coming back down the highway.
As always I NEVER want to leave. I was trying to hold off from giving Master a kiss goodbye so that I could squeeze a couple more minutes out of the visit. That didn't work.
Looking at the calendar I want to see Master ASAP or when ever He says its okay.*sighs* schedules schedules schedules
Til next time.

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4 More Days

Master is coming!  Yay!  Can't wait just 4 more days.  There really isn't anything to do in Baltimore but that is okay W/we will have a good time.  Laughs and more laughs always when W/we are together.  Memories to create.  Sitting here reading my text messages from yesterday and smiling that big Kool- Aid smile.  Damn I feel like doing a split.  Yeah that was random but that is how I feel. 
Can't wait, can't wait, can't wait.  Want to feel my ass burning from His smacks and pain from pins being snatched.  Show Master that His slut has been doing all of her training and to finally hear "Good bitch". 
See, hear, touch, smell, and taste Him.
And then fall asleep in His arms while listening for the Hummingbird.
4 more days and counting.

Sad face and tears

Why the fuck does Baltimore and New York have to be so far apart.

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Urolagnia and Urophagia

Those who enjoy UROLAGNIA may enjoy urinating on another person or persons, or being urinated upon. Some participants may drink the urine; this practice is known as UROPHAGIA, though UROPHAGIA refers to the consumption of urine regardless of whether the context is sexual. UROLAGNIA enthusiasts may participate in UROLAGNIA as part of a DOMINATION and submission scene, though not all sexual activity involving urine is so.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Urolagnia

Training 01/17/2011

Today I completed my daily training as I normally did.  Today's training tasted....salty.  Eventhough 'Na' is one of the major components in urine, today was the first day I really tasted it.  Still yellow, smh those vitamin B's.  Hmmm, I  just need to drink more water. 

Liquid Training Part 2

The past week I have been on liquid training.  At first the thought of drinking urine or drinking my own urine wouldn't even have been in my head four months ago.  Now it has become a daily part of my day.  Morning, noon, and night, sometimes more.  I have become accustomed to the taste.  When I first started I looked in the cup and the liquid was dark yellow.  Damn Vitamin B, I'm used to mines being clear.  I put the cup to my mouth and took a whiff with my nose.  All I could smell were vitamins it didn't smell pissy.  I sipped and the taste was strong.  I gulped it back and made that lemon face.  You know the face when you just ate a bitter ass lemon.  Master always laugh at the silly faces I make.  The next morning I continued with my training.  By the end of the second and third day my tongue was accustomed to the taste.  I supposed the diet that Master has had me on has a lot to do with that.  Of course drinking plenty of water.  Throughout the week I instinctively completed my daily training every time I had the opportunity...err or every time I had to relieve myself.  It is routine now.  I'll be ready for the mouthful that Master will give when He sees me. 

Change of Plans

Soooo this weekend did not turn out the way that Master and I wanted.  First off Master postponed the gang bang because the men that responded were either fat, ugly, or old.  I'm glad He made that decision because if those guys would have came out I would have asked to be blindfolded so that my pussy wouldn't go dry from the sight of looking at them.
I was still supposed to go see Him but situations out of my control kept me stuck in bamma ass Bmore.  Ugh! So another weekend apart another weekend without Him.  Sucks that this is a three day weekend and I have to sit here for three whole days.  It sucks that I didn't even get a chance to see Him.  I swear if I had just five minutes to hold Him, kiss Him, smell Him, rub His feet then I would have been a happier slave.
I got texts from Ms. Petite wanting to see me; she makes me laugh.  That didn't work out either being that if I did make it to see Master Ms. Petite wasn't going to be there because of her schedule.  Got Damn this weekend was a big ass fail.
So of course like I always do when I get sad I turned to my therapy.  I hit Columbia and then Towson Mall.  YAY!!!  It's funny I only feel like shopping when I am in a funky mood any other time I stay away from it buy hey it helped.  I felt an instant fulfillment or high that I still  haven't come down from yet.  Just can't wait to show Master what I got.  I thought about sending some pics but I think I may just wait and model everything in person.
Next weekend I will get my chance to.

6 days until....

So yesterday I looked at a sluts tumblr page from this weekend. She had another gang bang and a bukake. Her writings always get me wet. I layed there imagining myself in that situation and how I would perform. I sent Master a text if He still desires for me to have a gang bang or bukake. He said yes He would give me one.
Today Master text me my gang bang is this weekend. What! Wow! Already that was fast. I'm nervous. Excited but nervous. Whoa I hope I can withstand all the cocks that will be thrown my way. Opening all my holes. I really have to focus on my meditations. I need to work on my stamina hit the gym. I need my nails and feet done. Shit, so much to do in only a week. Damn I hope this snow don't throw my schedule off track. I was thinking bout getting my hair done. No point I'll just wrap it. It's really growing I'll eventually be cutting it. Too bad.
Anyways I have to be ob point make Master proud. I have no idea what to wear. Errr ummm or not I don't know. Shoes! Shoes! Shoes! I just need some sexy shoes. Damn why haven't I found those red pumps yet. I will ask Master what He wants even down to my polish color. I want to make Him pleased with everything that I do.*Sigh* The countdown begins.

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Liquid Training

This bitch is a cum hungry piss guzzling slut.  Need I say more :)

Giving it 100

This week I worked on being a better slave.  Worked on giving 100% like when I started.  I had to be reminded of this by my Master.  Had to be reminded to control my emotions and not act out of jealousy.  I am improving.  Working on my schilling, mediating more, and I need to blog on a consistent basis.  I am still a work in progress and I am continuously working to completely fulfill His needs and to become a better slut.  Still training to be His freakenstein =)

Getting Organized

Alright. Got a daily planner and a watch. I'm going to work on getting my life organized and support Breast Cancer while doing it.

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Lost

When you lose all confidence, then what? What's next? How do you move forward?

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