Single parent thoughts

Many times I think that the logical thing would be to focus on MYSELF when I'm in my 40's and my kids are grown. 

Leaning on prayer and positivity in this mess 

I'm starting to not want to do this anymore. 

I've been bothered.

I think I'm a pretty cool person and put in a lot of effort to socialize and meet and greet. Talk to new folks or whatever. 

I feel like I'm standing on the sidewalk staring in. Shit sucks majorly. Like what's the point of me going to these lifestyle gatherings. 

What's the point of you can't socialize and have discussions with like-minded individuals and live a closet life around the clock. 

October 12, 2015

Today has been a day of many lessons and many thoughts:

Creativity, holidays, days off, vid collage, 100 sentences, closet bed, red ombré lips, eat more veggies, hand swollen, ass jiggles, imagination, exercise, floetry, stadium tour, daily picture, Dallas Cowboys, do Not forget, tasks

When He is away I get in the funkiest moods. 

I become somewhat of a rebel, with no care of the consequences that may occur when He returns. 

Sad. Upset. Scared.

Alone. Thinking that when He comes back I don't know when I'll see Him because He isn't coming "home" to me. Yesterday, I had a daydream that I was at the airport, awaiting His arrival. I remember feeling so excited when I saw Him. Falling into His arms. 

In the mood for love

http://youtu.be/Y0XYZNx6854

It seems a bit challenging to allocate time. I've noticed that I've neglected blogs and posts. Sometimes it's life or either lack of interests. Regardless I want to improve by focusing more on the lifestyles. I get out what I put in and in order to continue to grow I need to step it up.

Come inside my luv

 How do you handle a sub-drop when in a LDR? I need to know. 

I wish I had some clothing with His scent on it. 

On my mind too often

When will this fear go away? How long will it be before I can be with someone and not worry about this? 

I want the opportunity to build a foundation where this fear will dissipate. WIP 

Express3

This week I was discussing past relationships. I wonder if the reason for me removing someone from my life so easily was due to the avoidance of communication. When I had a problem it was easier for me to drop the person instead of expressing my thoughts. Smh. Or maybe I just wasn't that into them. Hmm, I'm tripping right now. Thoughts all over the place and they don't make much sense. 

8/22/15

A man has the opportunity to shape and mold. He grows her, while all the time He grows with her. As she develops he learns that He must continue to improve His skills and advance in His crafts. They grow together 

8/23/15

Red Light District

Express2

Sometimes I get mad and say phuck it. I'm prepared to grow old by myself. Prepping for cougar mode. 

Express1

Woke up to some pettiness

Just asking 8/22/15

Have you ever awaken to being held by a King? 

To feeling the arms that protect. 

Loving Him was easy;

Opening myself to love proved to be challenging but once it happened, everything flowed. 

I'm overflowing 

Laying here thinking how much I like my collar. 

Light reading

What is a leather family?

General definition of a leather family

Defining leather culture:

General definition of leather culture

Weekend Reunion - WR2015

Have you ever experienced something for the first time and realized, that is exactly where you are supposed to be?

That is how I felt when King and I went to Weekend Reunion. This weekend was our first BDSM weekend long event.

I was nervous during most outings but I wanted to attend as many as I could. I wish I had not fallen asleep during Friday's events but I do believe that Saturday made up for it :)

It was nice to finally meet the people that I have chatted with online and it was also cool to meet some new individuals for the first time. Everyone was friendly and it really was as they stated, "a big kinky black family reunion". It was refreshing to be surrounded by people of color and fellow lovers of kink. 

My main goal to achieve through this conference was to expand my knowledge. I feel as though I learned an array of new things and I was provoked to resume my research and study of my kinks and interests, as well as, His.

Even though we did not join in during the play scenes/time, I was happy. Actually the accurate feeling I had was" exuberant". This describes how I felt in one word. A smiley wipe would not have been enough to take the smile off of my face. Being in that environment and in that space had me charged up. I am looking forward to attending future events. 

How does one know that they are a side hoe?

I need love 

*cue LL beat*

Addicted

I used to think that I was addicted.  As I became more educated in the term and gained an understanding from readings and documentaries, I know that I do not have a sexual addiction.  Perhaps I am addicted to making love.  The feeling and the orgasmic release. The euphoria that your body is in afterwards.  I want more and more.  No substitution.  It wouldn't work with anyone.  The best part of making love which makes it better than any sex or drug, is that it continues to get better than the first time.  It won't leave you chasing that initial high that some say, with drugs you will no meet again.  It will never leave you feeling empty inside and emotionless as with useless sex.  Making love fills you up.  It not only makes you have a physical burst of fluids but you will also burst with energy.  To share. Give and receive. Taking all of your partner in.  Filled. Exhange of energy. Love so deep that your souls dance. I'm addicted to that feeling each time.  The anticipation for the next time.  Build my patience for the right time. Synchronized. It starts with a touch, a kiss, an embrace.  In His arms. The one that I love.  I am addicted.
I am so addicted that some nights I can't even sleep.  I lay in bed in the dark staring into space thinking of the last time that I felt that tap. I mean that slap on my ass.  Love taps.  :) Aggressive. When we make love the mood isn't planned. Yes we can fuck like the lion and lionness  in our kingdom. The animalistic behavior that can be displayed. Our wild passion. It can be right on time. Rough love. We both like love it. It's allowed.  Love making doesn't always have to be slow.  Sensual. The type where you take your time and savor every pore on each other's skin.  Cause when you are addicted you don't want to miss not even a single bit.  You want it all. You want to give your all.
I almost feel selfish thinking of my addiction. Yes, I want to give Him pleasure. Yes, I would like it in return but it isn't always necessary. I feel selfish that I still have wants.  I want to hear His moans. Feed my ego and my addiction and tell me that this time is better than the last.  Feed my addiction with your staggered breathing.  I know that when you feed my oral addiction and control my breathing. I want to hear that I have taken yours. Addicted, not allowing yourself to stop and pushing the limits a little further each time.  Harder.  Stronger. Make me sweat. Not sweating from the lack of getting my addiction pumped into my veins. But make me sweat from indulging in it.  Heat. Passion. Love making that will increase your heart rate. Not from any unnatural chemicals that have entered my blood stream but the chemicals from our love making. Ending in our moans and screams.

Where has the tenacity gone?

Positive benefits from BDSM

Stress Reducer, Increased intimacy, Assistance of Pleasure.....

Overall, I didn't care for this article but I do agree with some key points.

With so many ups and downs going on in life, these things can be a catalyst for stress. I often find myself looking forward to an experience or session that have been planned.  It is relaxing and calming. Of course, we all know the physiological effects of hormones the body produces when it responds to pain. The assisted increase in pleasure.  I agree with the article There's a Big Benefit to BDSM That Nobody's Talking About. In my experience, stress relief occurs immediately after a session or during after care. Trust, bonding, intimacy, is increased with your partner.  Without trust then it would be hard to really enjoy the experience.  If you are in a relationship with your partner that you "play" with, there is a deeper understanding of each other on that level.  This level of intimacy is attainable during a non-BDSM relationship but in my opinion it happens over a longer period of time.  These are the benefits of BDSM that I have experienced over the years.

Social media has made me not want to be connected to it anymore. Maybe I need to clean up some more. 

It's not the matter of it boy holding my attention, it just turns me off. 

But since I've really been trying to make an effort to be social....I don't know.

It's kinda like delete yourself and know one will even notice...HA 😕

I always wonder why some folks announce it. Maybe the thought of no one noticing would "rock" their brain.

I suppose...

Trust can be given for different things. "I trust you with...." or "I trust that you.....".

Can you trust someone and still have doubt? Is it fear? Is the mind playing tricks?

A question asked in regards to those I encounter on a routine basis. 

First sub space in 2015

What the cane used to do for me, biting now does. I am left in a state of euphoria.  Feel like I'm in a petal resting, while it slowly descends into still waters. Creating a ripple.

*I feel asleep with the phone in my hand*

Last night, I was so relaxed and calm. He  tended to me and I was in perfect peace. Tender kisses.

I've realized that when I try to move or squirm I'm expecting a harder bite or a pull that sends stronger sensations throughout my body. The nibbles that sting.

*becoming aroused*

It's like He has perfected the art of biting my body and I love it. The pain instantly makes me cry between by legs. 

I wail out for Him to please stop but at the same time I'm holding and cradling His head close to my skin. My hands on the back of His head as if He is in between my legs tasting me and my body is begging Him not to stop. My mouth is saying I can't take any more. Pleasure. All at once. 

..........

My body pressed against His. The perfect moment. The needed aftercare for an amazing experience. I could have melted into Him. His embrace. His love wrapped around me. Kisses. Then goodnight.