Pep in my step

I don't know if this is a good or bad thing. I have alot of time on my hands. Alot. During the day I focus on work and trying to resolve issues during business hours. During the night I am, as one of my twitter followers said "idle". O_O Uh-oh. 

I  find myself getting into things that I probably shouldn't. I try my best to stay off social sites and that did not work. I stay up all night and wake up at the last minute resulting in me rushing around. 

My entire schedule has changed. I don't have any structure. I have to get that back in my life. I have to get back to organization. I have to get back to the gym. My eating habits are off. When I do eat, which has been barely for the past week. Forcing myself to eat at least twice a day. Well at least once. For example,I'm not hungry now, I drank some juice earlier and I am still full. When I get stressed I lose my appetite, become moody and highly irritable. I will just take one day at a time. 

I worry about so many not just myself. I wonder how He is doing. W/we text but the amount of communication is so minute I can hold it in my hands. It makes me sad but I don't think there is much I can do about it all the way down here. I suppose it is what it is. 

Friends and family can be so draining. Right now I feel like that person, that friend, that bestie that is always there to be a shoulder to lean to be there to pick up the pieces and sweep up the crumbs; not even noticed neglected in a sense. Kind of like oh damn we forgot to let the dog in during the snow blizzard type thing. If maybe once in a while my fam and friends say how are you or say good morning. I'm starting to get that "I'm just not that into you" feeling from everyone. 

Regardless I still go about my days smiling for the camera phones, walking into work with a little less pep in my step. I keep reminding myself I shouldnt take it personal.

Red, red, or red?

Not too long ago Master told me He wanted me to get some lipstick; red. I figured this would be a simple thing to do then I realized I don't wear makeup and I don't even know the first thing about buying it. I am a lipgloss; Vaseline on my lips kind of girl. So I figured a trip to Mac was necessary. Isn't that where all the ladies go? So I roll to the mall with my crew we hit the food court to get our energy up. Afterwards I head to Mac to see if one of the associates can help me find what I am looking for. Wait what is it that I am looking for? I want to be clear and make sure that I understand so I get what He wants. Got it. All the associates are busy so I go across the way to Bare Essentuals. Now this is my kind of store more neutral and natural. I asked for the brightest shade of red and it was called "red zing" very beautiful color on me and it went with my skin tone so well. I notice that the store does not have any brighter colors so I get the lipstick for my personal stash (I probably won't even wear it). Back to Mac this time someone was available to help me. "Ruby woo" I absolutely love it. It makes my lips look super bigger than what they are but the color looked well. It was so dry. The associate explained it was a matte lipstick and the difference between the glossier shades. Huh, I am not trying to paint walls. This just got complicated. I couldn't help but think about all the chemicals in these products but a little bit of lipstick won't hurt. I take a picture, send it to Master then on to the next shade. "M.A.C. red" this is nice. A tad brighter than the last one. Creamy as the associate explained so my lips felt moisturized when I applied it. I send Master a pic. Next up "Russian red". Whoa! Now isn't this very slutty. My least favorite color of the night. I could not even imagine myself wearing this anywhere. The more I looked in the mirror the dirtier I felt. I took the pic and cleaned my lips for the last time. Master told me what to get and I checked out. "Russian red" that soundS like a slutty color. I flipped through my pics and I swear that was the worst looking color on me but it was the brightest. :)

Riding home I was thinking what if He asks me to wear this outside walking down the street. I would feel so embarrassed with slut lips. At the same time I was excited cause these slut lips belong to Him and His lips will be painted which ever color that He wishes. I am His creation; His art; His canvas/sculpting. I will wear it proudly where and when told to.

Red Russian a matte lipstick by MAC; I wonder if this will last through a lipstick challenge.
To be continued....

My First Time

When He grabbed me and whispered in my ear what He was going to do to me, my eyes widened and all I could say was yes Daddy. I knew it was coming but I was not expecting Him to remind me of all the punishments past I was going to get.
Silly of me to think Master lead me into the bathroom to shower away the dirt from my long bus ride. Now I know with water comes wet skin and even after I dry off my skin is still damp. Perfect skin for a good caning.
BASTINADO, I do not like but I deserve it. Deserve it for acting like I was in control. Only a few licks and feeling the rope tighten and pulled around my neck were enough for me to get my shit together. A few licks was what I needed to get my mind right get my breathing together and focus less on the pain and more on what I was told to do. In and out of focus I buried my head in the bed and gripped the sheets. As I opened my eyes and turned my head everything changed. At that moment I felt like a beast, His beast. Being an obedient pet obeying His command. Listening to His voice as I was told, complying, not moving from my position. With each hit I stared at how beautiful He was. How hard He was and how much He leaked. With each hit I saw that He liked and my mouth began to water. He fed His pet while continuously caning her. I heard it, I felt it, my body accepted it. I wanted my flesh to bleed. I wanted to open my legs and feel a strike against my pussy. I didn't want Him to stop but He did. My ass was on fire and I felt the heat even more when the blows began to come from His hand.(I want to cum right now). I never felt this before. I felt like I was watching myself. I felt the hits but the pain didn't bother me. I was just hungry and I continued to enjoy all that He was giving and I enjoyed it. I thanked Him for getting me to this point.
Now that was the short story to my first time reaching subspace.
Through Him I grow He is my sculptor and has the best in mind for me. He says I am His queen but yet I feel I have much more to work towards before I can be crowned. Every queen is beside her king. Every slave kneels by their Master. Every woman is the support for her man. Greatness is what I seek and the path of enlightenment is what I pursue. Growth is what we all need. I have grown, He has grown, W/we have grown together and I wouldn't want it any other way.

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Only 186 miles away

Laying in this KING sized bed sometimes I feel so alone. As long as I keep my eyes closed and the memories flowing I will be alright. You have my spirit and my mind. Yes the first thought when I rise and the last thought before I go to sleep. My dreams are filled with You even the ones I don’t remember. Nothing tangible for me to squeeze or caress. Just the last touch, the last kiss, the last spanking, and tug of my hair. The last word spoken always is you. The last embrace, the last whiff of You. I hold onto it all. On nights like this when I wish…You come to me traveling ∞ speeds on a breeze then get to my window and slooowly drift by me. I take You all in. I remember. I remember that next time I will store all these moments in my chestbox of treasures to pull out on nights like this.

How I Feel

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Which path is next

I want more...to be continued

When I close my eyes all I see is you. I stayed awake and all I thought about was you. Tonight I will try and get some sleep but I want you to stay in my mind.

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