On Mute

So much for not writing a blog. I just have a lot if thoughts I want to get out but I can't get my thoughts together to express them correctly and once said you can't takw them back. I keep forgetting things. Simple things, taking vitamins, drinking tea, I hardly eat all my breakfast, snack, or drink enough water. I really don't know what energy I am running off of. I just sit at work dazed mind going 95. I'm trying to figure our what the problem is week 2. Two weeks ago something changed and whatever it was it was a catalyst to all this negative energy surrounding me like black smoke. I don't even smile on the outside to mask what I an feeling anymore. I just said fuck it. I keep reaching for attempts to enjoy myself and have a good time but it is always shirt lived.
Sitting here forcing myself to eat breakfast prolly will just eat toast and eggs nibbled on a piece of pineapple. Not even hungry. I think I'm done.
I just want to turn my cell off and why myself away from the everyone and the world wide web. But I know Master will not be pleased if I disconnect communication with Him. I did that before when I intentionally broke my phone without thinking of the outcome. I was so dramatic*rme*. Now I'm debating with myself if I should turn it off or not. Maybe I'll turn it on silent. Maybe I should leave it in the car. Maybe I should leave it at home for a day. Maybe I should....who am I kidding I won't do any of these things. This sucks my savior to forget everything the gym, I can't go to today cause I have to get a car. I swear I want to be knocked upside my head to forget all of this. Great the thought of being smacked around has my pussy wet :-/

I think I know how she felt :-( is this karma.

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